~shooting stars~

2009-12-24T00:05:00.001+08:00

Don't sing your love songs to me for they are but mere lyrics to me fitted to a tune not of unending joy but sorrow immeasurable. Oh my songbird, curse thee that thou hast leave'est me.

2009-11-28T20:49:00.002+08:00

By far, worst dinner out ever though ironically, the one where I managed to think through about life the most.

I've finally managed to pin-point the reason why I absolutely, and I use that word there for specific reasons, hate michelle. She is a self-motivated, self-centered and arrogant person. Actually, I hate any sort of people who are like that. Perhaps that particular value is in direct contrast to all I believe in. I could probably tolerate degrees of other annoying traits such as stubbornness or rashness or any other sort but I firmly believe that the root of all evil lies not in money but in self-centric views. In fact, the only reason why money seems evil lies in personal greed and thus once again, points to a very self myopic view on life. Money on its own is just paper and is definitely neutral; the human impulse to satisfy but oneself and its inability to consider other people before oneself distorts money.

Since all evil lies in selfishness, then love is the opposite of it and this indeed is true. The reason why love is so highly lauded and seems noble is only because it is a concept or state of being where humans display the ability to rise above... well humanity.

In that case, love or any expressions of love must never be married to self-motive. This is also why in conversations with people from church, it is definitely a much more pleasant, personal and intimate experience, admittedly more so than my nuclear family itself. Sincerity is thus key and for that, I am glad I have studied literature - Dear Sister, I can read your motives and they certainly aren't pleasant or agreeable.

Thus marks another new point in self-searching - how does one become able to only practice this universal love much like Herlanders. We need a god that expects no "honor, reverence, obedience" from you. A god that expects things not done for him but from him. To live "as if God was real and at work within them" is key and by then humans will look not at eternity because the hopes attached to eternity is experienced not in the hereafter but in the here, the now. God is thus incongruous with self-gain as well - that God is the manifestation of love means God is the manifestation of all that is not self-gain.

2009-11-18T21:11:00.002+08:00

The lies you speak so casually are all grey hounds to me.
They are full of filth, made entirely of black webs
spun by the widow like venom to blood - yet;
speak them to me - whisper them in my ears so
only I can hear them.

Although all this time I've been waiting for you,
perhaps it has been you waiting for me.
Give me a silver drop of your time
and I will treasure it till it gleams gold.

2009-11-15T19:33:00.002+08:00

In the midst of this perilous edge
of the cliff overseeing still waters,
a fire burns deeply
and with an eagerness grave.
How shall I cross?

2009-10-26T19:52:00.002+08:00

Why do I wield my pen, if I shall only write with weapons?
Why do I try each day, only to dream the night away?
To each his own, but to me - what
lies in my journey's path.
What could it be? What could be so precious?

How are people supposed to live in the present
when all we think about is our future?
How are we supposed to find 'The One'
when we are not even 'The One' 's ourselves?

So leave me, thrust me and kick me away
for I do not deserve any of this - this life you preach.
Return me my soul, my green pastures and my forever spring.
If you could just untie this string called affection,
O how less painful and more wondrous my life could be;
and yet empty.

2009-08-17T23:07:00.002+08:00

It is only when life gets so hectic and when one gets so caught up in the pace of said life, that one sees how life becomes hollowed out. Thus, I stand before the years of my accumulated wisdom and ask how then is one supposed to live?

It seems that in the face of such an empty life that one's desire for affection and attention is intensified - brought to the extreme like caffeine heightening a person's awareness. So sharp and so intense is such of this desire and yet being unfulfilled, reciprocates only an equally if not sharper pain - a needle-prick extended over a thousand times in a single moment.

Therefore, while my mind is asleep despite the coffee ingested and my body remains awake from aforementioned indulgence, I find myself only able to spout nonsense in my lonely shell. Will anyone ever be able to crack this clam? Will there be a pearl at the center then? Even if there were, I get this feeling it is but a fragmented, tainted orb.

2009-07-31T19:34:00.002+08:00

Deadliest Catch

I fished a place like no other place
you will ever find on earth;
a place where the hard work and danger
can and should reflect a man's worth.
I fished a place where the hours long,
sleep, rare, if at all.
A place where even the strong
sometimes, stumble and fall.
I fished a place where you spent countless hours
pulling countless pots.
A place where the memories of her back home
is thought with countless thoughts.

I fished a place
where the weather can turn,
bad, in a blink of an eye.
A place where those who'll get hurt.
Some will even die.

I love this place,
and the pride it has given me.
You see,
very few people on the face of this earth can say
"I've crab fished on the berring sea".
- Larry Riser (Deadliest Catch)

2009-07-21T19:07:00.002+08:00

"Hope-ing in a shadow"

Day beckons in my world when the ball of fire rises
yet Day never comes.
In my world, - shadows abound -
humans have eyes of stone and hearts only of gold.
And then I ask:
Is life still worth living?

In my world, - time is created -
yet time is never enough measure of worth.
Dusk is but a shadow of my twilight,
always evading, always eluding
and never appearing.

But alas, are my eyes, too, darkened by shadows?
Although the earth has turned foul,
and the leaves are withered and weathered by savages,
the stem is still green and a tiny, almost unnoticable little bud
appears; and it is there.

Everytime I try to sink into the murk
wings soaking up fire from the sky pull me up.
And thus, I live to give this world another chance.

2009-05-06T19:04:00.003+08:00

Haha, I didn't even blog the whole of April X:

I don't even know what compelled me to blog today either. But, here goes

Yesterday was an upsetting day. The whole day just didn't fall into place properly and the rugby team's loss was seriously disheartening. What felt worse was being unable to do anything during the match and moreso after the match, watching the tearful faces of my peers as they returned to the bench. Watching grown, big men cry like that could truly make even the most cold being break inside. As the final whistle blew, it was not just them who lost, it was us too, by the sidelines. What was last week, a tiresome longing for the final whistle to announce our victory over archrivals ACJC, has become a cruel wait for the sound of dreams crashing down into the earth. Every call the referee made was biased and unjust but when not on the field, who is to judge? Though, it was pretty obvious that the referee was unjust then. Funny though, that the parents of some of the players by the side were so enthusiastic about the game. It is quite funny when you see two grown up, rather past-prime ladies discussing rugby and calling the bad calls the referee made. Eitherways, it was a sad... sad day.

2009-03-29T19:11:00.002+08:00

Power

Is it possible to truly enjoy power?

Well, while most if not all of us chase after power in one way or another; business positions, political standing or even just power to make decisions over our lives, is it possible to truly enjoy power? It seems to me that this chase after power is a mindless search for unhappiness.

I enjoyed power when I grew up and entered secondary education, entered tertiary education. More and more freedom was bestowed upon me by my parents as I grew older. Certainly, you would seem to enjoy that freedom, more space to chase what you desire, more opportunities to create for yourself, more independance to do what you really want. However, that just gave more space to screw up. It just seems that, the more power I get, the more time passes by, the more unhappy I eventually get. Then, what is the point?

Certifications definitely don't make us any happier do they? In fact, the more exams we take, the more certifications we get, it just makes life much more complicated. Then, can we still say it is possible to truly enjoy power?

My conclusion? Fuck it.

2009-03-15T20:35:00.002+08:00

Firstly, sorry for the inept post before and thanks to all those who comforted me in one way or another. Much appreciated (:

Just back from Confirmation Camp 2009. Have to say, despite it being the 2nd year I'm mentoring and facilitating, and it being the 3rd con camp i've been to, it has once again surprised me and affected me in a totally unexpected but really meaningful way.

On hindsight, I suppose even though it was put in a really inconvienient timeslot - starting on the day the first part of BT1 ended and all, was really God's way of solving the problems I encountered preceding this camp. The restlessness, the stress, the vulgarities and all the other problems... he really lifted them up all.

This year's camp was really something different. I went in, on the first night, with only two confirmants having shown up and Kenneth Yap, another confirmant showing up later. For one, I was shocked and speechless, truly, I might have deep within me, judged their batch. I mean, for me, I took the effort to sacrifice my sleeping and resting time after my exams as well as the preparation time I would have over the weekends for holiday lessons and there they were, only three out of a total of 7 having turned up. There were so many facilitators in comparison to confirmants and honestly speaking, I felt betrayed, which only added to the problems and frustrations I already had.

However, seeing them change, seeing them open up, seeing them actually making a commitment to want to get to know God better and understanding their circumstances, I was actually ashamed because they stood through such adversity. Most of them came from broken families and the problems they had were far from being trivial. But when I saw them smile and share their experiences, deep within I just tore up. Seeing Lynette smile as she affirmed her fellow friends, seeing Ranne share his story in deep contemplation, seeing Richman open up to us and becoming more engaged, seeing Gabriel thinking back on his 'paradigm'. It really struck me that the story about the starfish, that each one saved made a difference to that one starfish, each change we, as a group, changed, would go a really long way.

I learnt alot, and I am indeed spent. However, worthy mentions include the fact that I managed to stay through the entire 3 day 2 night course of the camp, to have sufficient energy to complete my tasks properly and still engage in the activities. And apart from the multitude of stories, on the last day again, God revealed to us all as a group in his own way. We were at Fort Canning Park today for our activities and as it became late noon, the sky becoming threatening yet the program was not over. However, we managed to complete all the required segments that were planned and quickly headed back, the sky at this time being completely overcast. However, despite stopping periodically to take group photos, sharing laughter and capturing still moments, we managed to walk back to church dry. Just as we all gathered back together in the p&w room, it poured. Indeed, God is above all.

The lessons I have learnt from this camp will remain, the problems gathered the past few days healed. But "like a rose trampled on the ground", I too, would have to take "the fall".

BAD DAY

2009-03-12T16:29:00.002+08:00

Today was an unlucky day. Here's why

Imagine starting off the day at 1am, waking up on an exam day feeling really warm and itchy... managed to sleep again at 2.

Woke up again at 6 to the chime of the clock which was oh so irritating. Someone accidentally switched on the annoying alarm AGAIN and that monstrous thing wouldn't stop.

Fumbled into the car, shirt untucked, tie unworn, wallet forgotten. Walked out to get it and back again.

Lousy, horrendous piano playing from LT1.

Half-asleep mind, stuck for a moment on a maths practice question, totally spoiling my chain of successes since yesterday.

Stomach-ache.

Confused myself over integration of inverse trigo. Realised later they are all in MF15

Saw a grumpy Ms K zoom pass, daoing me.

RBF b4 assembly.

RBF a few classes left because of absence of A6 and A7 who didnt take H2 Maths paper

RBF 2 rows left during Maths Paper.

Fking Hard Maths Paper - Made revision package seem like a joke. And my 3-4 times of doing it.

Realised how to do first part of last question in the last 3mins. Didn't complete, left it right before finding the answer.

Every1 finding it fking hard.

Fking long queue at Canteen.

No Tables at Canteen.

Dirty Table at Canteen.

Pathetic beef burger which patty didnt even fill the entire radius of the bun.

Fking crowded library.

Irritating J1s walking about.

Zhou at Lit Paper.

Zhou saying Hi in a really weird tone.

Fking hard Lit Paper. (Comparison)

Hand Cramp mid-way.

Shalene's anticipated 'Trial Scene' -Act 4:2, exact extract came out. (Context)

Never read that whole section before in its entirety carefully.

Alot of content to write about, thanks to fascinating discussion earlier.

Know the points. dunno how to write.

Fking no time.

Used alot of vulgarities.

Demoralised and depressed.

Fking kids on 133 fooling about around me.

Felt like punching one's head in cus he looked fking irritating.

Missed 2 265s in a row at the bus stop.

Went to buy bread cus hunger, back to traffic light, missed 1 more.

Took 268, missed my stop, walk further.

Near my house, see another 265 zoom by.

Fking complaining on my fking blog.

Much more to come, its come to the point where I can sort of predict if a bad thing's going to happen.

2009-03-02T19:49:00.003+08:00

Pissed today.

Dad reprimanded me about my MSA results... okay true that for the MSA I was really just fooling around and I suppose because I practically did nothing in the holidays, I screwed up my MSA. But I am sure he didn't need to go to such extent of scolding me about how "according to my O level results I should at least be in the top 60%" and that my results were like just the bottom percentile or something. But hey... your son is just not cut out for studying :/ For starters, he CANNOT multi task so yea, you're right. I cant be on the computer and study. And yea you're right, I am always on the computer. And yea you're right about asking how then can I study. Well, I just simply dont :/ well not intensely anyway, never have and never will.

So yea.... life sucks.

2009-02-27T20:42:00.002+08:00

wow almost at the end of the month already.

Lately, just been alternating between school and studying and sleep :/ haha really boring life i'd say. Though i did manage to realise that mee goreng tastes best after fasting for an entire day hahahaha. Well actually I think any sort of food tastes awesome after fasting for an entire day :/

Played a great game of captain's ball against A6 again today haha though we did lost :/ but it was fun I suppose hahaha. Can kinda feel my mental thinking getting strained again as I did Narnia... or perhaps its just because I was tired because even though there were some sort of ideas flowing in... but I just couldnt verbalise them. Haha... oh dear... Anywho, Block Tests coming up soon... inside im kinda aiming for at least 60 rank points again even though the sheer difficulty and possibility does make me question my ambition haha.

Botak Jones today was not bad... but it was the company that was great I suppose. imwgt looks like a hong kong triad boss EVEN in a coffeeshop hahahahah leather boots and all. Ate alot today :S

I suppose... life's a bitch but then again... life will be fair one... right elly? haha

2009-02-17T18:33:00.000+08:00

bourgeois: [cch] jAson When the individual feels, the community reels says:
no one to confide in when im lonely at night
bourgeois: [cch] jAson When the individual feels, the community reels says:
no one to think about when i wake up
bourgeois: [cch] jAson When the individual feels, the community reels says:
no one to write songs to
bourgeois: [cch] jAson When the individual feels, the community reels says:
no one to sing words to
bourgeois: [cch] jAson When the individual feels, the community reels says:
no one....
bourgeois: [cch] jAson When the individual feels, the community reels says:
and in the end
bourgeois: [cch] jAson When the individual feels, the community reels says:
when i stare out at the end of the day
bourgeois: [cch] jAson When the individual feels, the community reels says:
in the end....
bourgeois: [cch] jAson When the individual feels, the community reels says:
im all alone

2009-02-11T18:20:00.002+08:00

Was CCA fair today. Initially wanted to use it to find another cca but I spent it lazing about doing nothing so I didn't manage to get another cca :S guess its recre bowling all the way... just felt I have yet again, wasted another 2 years with a "useless" cca. Ah well, sux2beme

A few pictures from some time ago that I havnt posted

at nishy's bday celebration.

from cousin's makan cny session at Godpa's place. Don't have any other photos from the various other places yet :S

Blue Eyes

2009-02-04T17:46:00.003+08:00

Life hasnt been all that eventful so to speak :S Still looking for a new cca heh. Kinda miss the days in january where the J1's still weren't here :S The other day, the canteen was hella packed :S and that kinda makes me irk

Well, today I managed to just confirm that OG9 (with whom we'll have our senior-junior picnic thingy) has Zhou for their teacher :/ Wow........

Managed to snap this shot as i went out of school

Kinda taken a liking to it, even though it was shot on my pathetic 2mp camera phone haha. Gonna go edit it and see what turns out

Anyway, adding a new addition to my table (right now it just has "The last devil weeps, The first devil sweeps. The 2nd verse is courtesy of edwin)

SONGS

2009-02-02T19:18:00.002+08:00

Did this (play on itunes then answer question thingy) on facebook (additional comments in italics)

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
I'd Lie - Taylor Swift

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Always - Bon Jovi
makes no sense

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Whole World Around - Daniel Powter

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Top of the World - The All-American Rejects
yea man

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Stop Crying Your Heart Out - Oasis

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Mr Brightside - The Killers
<3>

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Whereever You Will Go - The Calling

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
好心分手 (与.盧巧音) - 王力宏

WHAT IS 2+2?
A Million Parachutes - Sixpence none the richer
(actually according to 1984 is 5 not 1mil parachutes)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Amazing Grace - Leann Rimes

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Always look on the bright side of life - Monty Python

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Hard to Say I'm Sorry - Chicago

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Overkill - Colin Hay
cool

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Supersonic - Oasis

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
How to Save A Life - The Fray
lol im too hopeless D:

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING
Tubthumping - Chumbawamba

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Wonderwall - Oasis

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
No Monkey - Wally Warning

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
无乐不作 - 范逸臣

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
別怪她 - 吳卓羲

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
A Movie Script Ending - Death Cab for Cutie
dam nice ^^

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Hot N' COld - Katy Perry

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
It Ends Tonight - The All-American Rejects

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
We Cry - The Script

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
I Will Be - Avril Lavigne & Leona Lewis
whooo hooo

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
You Got To Hide Your Love Away - Oasis

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Move Along - The All-American Rejects

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Your Star - The All-American Rejects

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Over You - Chris Daughtry

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Love Song - Sara Bareiles

2009-01-28T17:16:00.002+08:00

Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfort you guys, is when I am sitting at home staring at the ceiling, just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realise how lucky you are

2009-01-25T12:12:00.002+08:00

My most immediate family just cant stop surprising me in their ability to really piss me off in being so inconsiderate, myopic and just plain irritating.

Calling me lazy for

1. preferring to play my game instead of uploading pictures from the camera of THEIR photos on MY computer when they have like 3 other laptops
2. refusing to download a movie i DO NOT want to watch and they WANT to

Now food for thought, how can I be considered lazy when firstly, it does not benefit me and secondly, I have totally no obligation/inclination to do? And yet still uses my own opportunity cost(time, effort and endless pain). And on the other side, aren't they lazy for pushing the work on me? Since it is something THEY WANT done, but yet something THEY DO NOT want to do?

Im pulling it out. Fuck it.

2009-01-16T19:29:00.004+08:00

Highlights of first week of school:

1st day:
- Scolded for 3 items on first lit lesson : hair, text, outline
- Grandma chopped hair for me

2nd day:
- ms K and her summoning ritual

3rd day:
- not having anything to do on open house
- rugby match against Tanglin Trust or something

4th day:
- 1 hr sleeping session in class, nice breeze
- GP MSA :S forgot how to do AQ, moses i think i understand why you didn't do a single one last year
- oops at floorball D:

today:
- Econs MSA :S, false passing of time
- Shafik's impersonation of ms k
- 15min sleeping session in class, 2short

And i begin to wonder... is that maturity, transformation or a radical change?

or all...

2009-01-07T21:51:00.001+08:00

Perhaps at the end, it really is best if our last thought was something good.

2009-01-04T19:33:00.001+08:00

A person is very weak when he is by himself;
but if he has friends to support him, friends who cherish him,

he can become as strong as he wants to be

2008-12-13T19:51:00.000+08:00

I lost my voice D: Had a great day ytd though. Thanks peeps heh

Thinking about starting to write again

2008-12-11T20:22:00.002+08:00

Its strange how sometimes as the thinker I am, I think of what I actually want to say like a billion times, changing probably every word from the first "draft" to the final speech and when it gets down to it, especially on the phone in my case, it doesn't or rather, never comes out the way I planned it. Maybe its just because I don't know the other party enough to know that sometimes, they would say something, or rather many things, that just throw the timing off words like way off. But then again, sometimes things just click. Though really, who the hell uses a supposedly intended "greeting" like "hey good to receive your message" or "good to hear you again" as in like... someone texts you to call them so you use that kind-of-greeting greeting at the end of the call?

Well other than that, I've been busy-ing myself. Yes, busy-ing and not been busy - therein lies a difference, myself with shows but I'm actually glad to say that I've found October Road to have met to my initial expectations based on that 1 ep I managed to see in Malaysia and the whole basic underplot synopsis of it. I won't exactly call it a show of immense literary marvel, considering I suppose that's what the producers were actually trying to aim for - a 'piece of life' drama depiction using insightful comments and underlaying moralities. But hey, it is still a literary marvel none the less, or at least a literary allure.

2008-11-28T09:29:00.001+08:00

Went with sis and cousin's to Timbre@Substation ytd for cousin chill out + dinner haha. Was fun ((: Ate alot of stuff O.O like.... had timbre wings at the start, followed by 6 pizzas shared among the 11 of us and then still had buffalo wings and a seafood platter :S seriously a food spamming session O.O

Advent

2008-11-23T20:49:00.003+08:00

Initially supposed to write this for shermaine but because she was so lazy, didnt end up writing it for the newsletter hahaha.

While everyone is hyped up about gifts, turkey feasts, santa claus and unfortunately, an impossible "white" christmas with Michael Buble singing in the background, we sometimes do forget that the most important part of Christmas doesnt exactly fall on Christmas day or even Christmas eve. Yes, I made a bold statement in saying that baby Jesus's coming on the 25th of December isin't the most important thing of Christian faith. Still, it is true.

The 4 weeks leading up to Christmas, Advent, commenmorates Christ's coming into this world while pressing us Christians to be hopeful for Christ's second coming. Naturally to speak, Advent makes Christmas meaningful.

The most I feel about Advent all these years have always been the Advent wreath adorned usually by 4 candles. They exude a heartwarming feeling that speaks of each of their own meaning. Hope, Humility, Joy and Peace. As each is lit every Sunday of the month, they always manage to come through resounding their purpose in my life and could be said to be the most effective in forcing a reflective mood in me. As how the Catholic year ends with 'Christ the King' as the focus, Advent starts the year with the 'Human-like Christ' - the Christ that eventually becomes our One True King.

To me, Advent speaks most truely of hope and most truely of 'Gaudete' - joy.

2008-11-23T17:08:00.002+08:00

Parents went to Msia for a relative's wedding :O hahahak. Went out ytd with class to pool/bowl/dinner at sgcc though (:

Things I Learnt ytd:

1)Do Not Jump at a bowling alley
2)When you're sick, drink lots of water
3)ChompChomp is never empty at night
4)Playing Speed Pool is actually very very tiring

2008-11-20T22:35:00.003+08:00

Went jamming with xiwen and her friend Ryan at Orchard *scape studio haha. Was quite fun (: abit deaf in my left ear now though :S. Orchard food is expensive and not worth the price D:

Ate dinner with gary after that at SGCC :3. Tried the chicken shnitze (or smth). Not bad ba but :S not really that good either. Bowled 3 games with him afterwards.

Me Bowling Stupid way

More of me in stupid way lol

Gary :3

only picture of me doing it the normal way :S

Throbbing headache now D:. Realised that Is It Real is not the title of the show where the gung ho guy goes to find out if ghastly stuff is true. Though Is It Real is another ghost show haha but abit boring :S

2008-11-19T18:07:00.002+08:00

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I've held your hand through all of these years,
but you still have all of me

2008-11-10T22:03:00.000+08:00

Meus eyes pondero suus universitas quod Ipsa pondero mei. Totus of quis EGO sum est is. Totus of quisnam is est , sum Ego.

2008-11-09T19:56:00.001+08:00

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

2008-11-07T23:28:00.001+08:00

zhou has totally no respect for other people's time D:

2008-11-06T20:50:00.000+08:00

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

2008-11-05T21:46:00.001+08:00

٩(̾●̮̮̃̾•̃̾)۶ says:
hahaha i'd rather be in same class as jeriel

2008-11-01T22:25:00.001+08:00

I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl

2008-10-30T20:16:00.001+08:00

wai chinese the behind questions so hard? D:

To a few people:

And it's a sad picture
The final blow hits you
Somebody else gets
What you wanted again
You know it's all the same
Another time and place
Repeating history
And you're getting sick of it

But I believe in whatever you do
And I'll do anything to see it through
Because these things will change

Can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up
To hold us back
Will fall down
It's a revolution
The time will come for us to finally win

2008-10-29T21:20:00.001+08:00

在我的天頂　甘有人會看見　看到我不甘願這樣過一生

在我的一生　我甘願來相信　每一朵花都有自己的春天

　　在我的天頂　大雨落不停　也不能改變到我的固執

　　永遠等待　那一日　咱可以出頭天　人生不怕風浪　只怕自己沒志氣

　　　　　　　那一日　咱可以出頭天　我盼望的日子　會真快　來到我身邊

在我的天頂　甘有人在保佑　怎樣我常常摔的頭殼流血

血乾會結痂　失敗也不失志　成功是咱自己看自己得起

　　飄浪的日子　等待著時機　我不信命運會這麼無情

　　永遠等待　那一日　咱可以出頭天　人生不怕風浪　只怕自己沒志氣

　　　　　　　那一日　咱可以出頭天　我盼望的日子　會真快　來到我身邊

11/11

2008-10-29T20:04:00.000+08:00

You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore
And you can say that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did - before
You're not sorry, no no ohhh

2008-10-28T15:59:00.002+08:00

You & Today

1/2 is how much of my time you have occupied my mind.
1/3 is how much of that time I doubted.
1/4 is how much hope I hope there still is.
1/5 is how much time you spent with me today.
1/6 is how much disappointment I felt today.
1/7 is how much more I felt yesterday.
1/8 is how much more I need you today than usual.
1/9 is how much you seemed to think of me today.
1/10 is how much hope I feel there still is.
1 is how sure I am; how sure I am... how sure I am.

My Anata

2008-10-23T20:05:00.000+08:00

我要你知道我永远爱你

如果失去你我就活不下去

^sayang

2008-10-21T17:23:00.003+08:00

遇見妳之後爱上妳然後恨透妳

原來愛是回不去的旅行

親愛的讓我忘記妳那些事情我終於看仔細

Words of Wisdom From Ace

2008-10-19T21:50:00.000+08:00

“When you talk to girls you want to give them a bit and then dao them” -Ace

2008-10-16T15:34:00.000+08:00

rank points: 60/80
the end.

-unwritten plot-

2008-10-07T21:47:00.002+08:00

Test plot that I have in my mind o.o no relevance to my life at all. lol

Protangonist (female 17) [p]

p gets a call from a mysterious guy, guy relates his life to her over the phone over a long course of days. Throughout calls, after guy relates a certain episode of his life, a similar feature is seen by p herself. i.e. if guy talks about his experience of leaving home and staying at this park sleeping beside this fountain, p somehow passes by the very same fountain. At each "flashback", p finds little notes / writings in the places that somehow hints at the guy's identity.

-ending not to be disclosed lol-

-End of Promos-

2008-10-05T22:06:00.002+08:00

Know this is a little late to post this but... yeap, its the end of promos. Though just the start of another gruelsome pw period

What was mainly bothering me the week was the issue with my new comp. Got this fabulous new comp but didnt quite work ( well only the graphics ) so basically my week was spent pouting over it. Anywho, its finally fixed today and it seems to be running (: So far only had 1 crash in tf2 which im not sure if its just a minor error, whether i need to update my graphics (which im actually pretty scared to do) or just that my comp is just still screwed up D:

In other news, natsume yuujinchou season 1 is over D: ep 13 was quite good haha but theres a season 2 so im really looking forward to it. If you havn't watched it yet, its time. haha.

A Love Story of Our Song

2008-09-17T22:24:00.002+08:00

Just in case you have not noticed/ wondered; changed skin because the previous one was hard to read in :S

"Hey don't be playing games anymore. Wake up! Wake up! wake up... please..."
His voice shook in tremulous fear, as if there were some sort of abominable presence that overcast him.

"How did it come to this? Why did you put even your own life before mine? This sort of thing... this sort of bravado... leave this kind of sacrifices to guys like me! Why waste that precious life of yours over a filth like me?"

He was slowly being overcome by insanity. "It is my fault. I shouldn't have proposed to you. I shouldn't have brought you out of town that night. I shouldn't have asked you to come meet me secretly in the garden. I shouldn't have gone to the ball. I shouldn't have met you at the market. I shouldn't... I shouldn't have started loving you."

His hands quivered for the first time ever since he became a man. But, it then occured to him that maybe afterall, like his old man had said, he was never a man. Just a boy with a deluded mind illed by spare time and romantism. Maybe afterall, he had never once experienced what being a man really meant but at this moment, he could confidently say he couldn't be bothered whether he had experienced being a man or not. He couldn't be bothered whether he was still a boy, a teenager, a misfit, a montague or a man for that matter. All he be bothered about was the lady he now had rested upon his lap. The lady that taught him how to be human; how to love.

"With the accursed water that stole you away from me, I shall rejoin you."

2008-09-11T21:40:00.002+08:00

"Today is the day that I will fly" I thought. I had managed to climb to the top of the cliff and I had dreamt of this moment for so long now, ever since that storm. But at this moment, my stomach grumbled as I gazed down upon the earth below.

"Maybe not today afterall. I must have my fill first before I attempt to fly."

I never flew. Not on the day after, or the day after that day. I suppose, ever since I was born, I knew I could not fly. There was that doubt in my that told me it was impossible for me to fly. I probably knew all along that I couldn't fly, but yet I denied it. I was afraid.

"You will fly." She said. "You will fly, but it is not here that you can spread your wings."

2008-09-10T20:17:00.002+08:00

It was raining red snow.

In the field I stood in, it seemed to me my goddess was bleeding the tears I could not shed. It was then, that I could remember how it was like again. How it was like, to have that sad sensation of tears on your face.

That was the day I locked myself up. The day where I thought of nothing but that sensation my body remembered.

2008-08-21T19:39:00.002+08:00

Haha... met Wilson yesterday at the bus stop O.O was shocked.

This is going to sound really gay but I thought he became seriously handsome o.o... really tall, sharp face and yea... haha really handsome. Just pale, as usual haha

Was a real shocker :S and I was stunned for quite a long time hahaha.... oh dear....

2008-08-17T19:49:00.002+08:00

Heh... another long time since I updated.

Well where to start... life's been a bummer? hahaha.... Well it has been boring... most of it anyway.

Oh oh... apart from this depressing thought, you might wanna check out this vid on youtube

Well pretty arthouse and abstract but its open to numerous interpretations i suppose. I thought it exemplified the human obsession really well haha... how so many people are so blindly obsessed with something above humanity, to make humans achieve the impossible "angel-hood" haha. But yea... its awesome nonetheless.

Went to NLB today to do some research... really impressed with the system O.O so user-friendly and easy ^^ hahaha... I think i'll start making a camp there to improve my GP :3

Fantastic song haha. Got to know of it at JH's house haha... its cool they're playing in the rain. Still trying to learn how to sing it... cant seem to get the right key at the chorus :S well the normal version anyway, the live version is much easier to sing haha.

2008-07-30T15:21:00.002+08:00

"I can't take it anymore! Stop! Stop! STOP!"

at that time, I really resented the fact that I was the only one who had to go through all this. "Why did it have to be me?" I thought. "Why is it only I need to feel this much pain?"

"Ask them to do something about it mummy! Ask them! I can't take it anymore!"

the look on her face then had hidden so much despair it seemed to make her look older

"I need to pee! I need to pee!"

"You got a diaper. You can do it right here."

"But I don't want to do it in a diaper!"

"You have to!"

"I don't want to!"

"Stop being so childish!"

"You don't understand. Both of you will never understand. Why don't you do it in a diaper and let them change it for you? You can never understand!"

I did it then. In the silence that ensued, Dad came forward and said he'd change my diaper."

"Dear, could you go out of the curtain? I'd change his diaper."

I hid my face in the pillow, refusing to move. Dad shifted the curtains to cover the bed. There was something in his composure that attacked me deeply and yet gave me comfort. It was there to remind me of my foolishness and was also there to embrace me and to tell me that it was okay to be selfish. But it broke the moment his eyes laid sight upon my pathetic being.

"I am terribly sorry. I am sorry. I cannot understand what you're going through. I am sorry. It was my fault you have to go through all this. I am sorry. I should have given you a healthier body, just like all the other kids. I am so sorry. Sorry... sorry..."

I know I had never seen him cry before and it seemed like he has never ever cried for a long time either. But in that moment before he turned away, I can vouch I saw tears streaming down his face.

He then washed me and changed my diapers. It was then that I decided that I was going to endure what the future had in store for me. Little did I know, I had no future. I lived with a time limit. There was never any possibility I could live a life as an adult. There was never any possibility I could hold up to my promise of marrying her. How foolish I was. How foolish I was...

2008-07-14T21:11:00.002+08:00

Relationships are interwined in our lives and likewise, our lives are interwined in our relationships. To a large extent as well, these relationships shape and form our lives. It can even be said that these exposures literally make us, well us.

If the notion that we are what our environment and surroundings mould us to be. Then in that case, it should be reasonable to say our environment confines our growth within this imaginary box, and with each passing moment, that box inches inwards to us. This being said, we are actually predetermined creatures of an uncontrollable fate, or is it?

Is it possible that we can control our environment, given the current state of technology and perhaps, future speculations of possiblities? Given presently, we are, to some extent, able to control the comfortability and safety of our environment and given that, we can directly control the impact of natural disasters and lifestyle conditions. If then, we are also able to control the relationships and bonds we form, does that not suggest we can actually predetermine how an individual will grow up to be?

Consider this case, given that I control the company of this individual to ONLY meet people who are docile in nature, chances are this individual will definitely cultivate characteristics either similar or identical to his/her companions.

Think about this, you and I could have been pieces of a big masterplan we are unable to conceive.

2008-07-12T21:45:00.002+08:00

We all breeze through life, day in day out. Some people are fortunate enough to live a life they wished for, some are even more fortunate that they are satisfied with the life they have even though they did not wish for it and others, are the most fortunate for living happy lives.

Strange though, how people would fret over what to do with their lives, what should they pursue in their lives, what do they want to achieve. Strange because at the end of the day, when you get there, chances are that you can never put your plans into action. Funny how life paves the way, as if it should be taken for granted, and mows down all the doubts and uncertainties. And then comes the big question. Why then, do so many people wander about in uncertainty if life moves itself for you? I suppose, I never did say life makes decisions for you.

We, each and every single one of us, we make decisions every single minute of our lives. Even this moment when I am typing, I am probably making the decision of which word I would use, which sentence to use next, which thought to develop and put down. Truth be told, decisions are so commonplace for us, yet so very very remote and detached. We all make decisions nonchalantly yet we are never able to fathom decisions.

However, I feel I've made the worst mistake of humanity. I have yet to make a decision.

2008-06-04T22:07:00.002+08:00

Been another long block of time that I've not touched this

Well, not much about my life to report on... don't really like keeping an internet diary ( not that I keep a real one anyway ) So I'll just do as I normally do and type in a few random thoughts. Hopefully they give me new perspectives in the future or just a little reminder what the me in the past thought like.

Speaking of diaries, I think that diaries are fairly important. I mean, they are records, physical records of a person's life. In that sense, I also think that by recording your life into words, don't you think you are cheapening your life? Can anyone accurately represent his/her day and time within words itself? Is it even possible to explain a day? I think it is rather demeaning and arrogant to try to fit experience and time into words. But then again, it might also be too demeaning on our part to think that our time is worth putting into words. Certainly a paradox.

On other thoughts, I think love is an anti-thesis for loneliness. Not company. Because thereupon, we harp on the niche thought that despite being in a sea of people, one can still feel lonely. And thus, company can therefore not be the anti-thesis for loneliness can it? But then again, it is up to us to define what company entails. For some, company means being with a friend. And by definition of a friend, that will eliminate the possibility of still feeling lonely, for then it is not a friend you are being accompanied, and thus you are not being in company of another person. Furthermore, if love is the anti-thesis of loneliness, then in this manner, loneliness is akin to hate, because love is the anti-thesis of hate. And one cannot be an anti thesis of 2 objects if an anti-thesis is an exact and direct opposite. However, loneliness need not equate to hate, in fact both are worlds apart though similarly in tandem. Loneliness can be the result of hate but usually hate does not mean imparting loneliness. But then again, love is the ultimate for being in a state of un-loneliness (only because i couldnt find an apt word), for it is when in love, you feel unlimitedly tied to another.

Now that apart, I will like to quote Giacomo Casanova, as in the real guy, since I've just watched the film - Casanova.

"I begin by declaring to my reader that, by everything good or bad that I have done throughout my life, I am sure that I have earned merit or incurred guilt, and that hence I must consider myself a free agent…Despite an excellent moral foundation, the inevitable fruit of the divine principles which were rooted in my heart, I was all my life the victim of my senses; I have delighted in going astray and I have constantly lived in error … my follies are the follies of youth. You will see that I laugh at them, and if you are kind you will laugh at them with me. You will laugh when you discover that I often had no scruples about deceiving nitwits and scoundrels and fools when I found it necessary. As for women, this sort of reciprocal deceit cancels itself out, for when love enters in, both parties are usually dupes."

Surely, only a man who has understood true love or in a sense, has had a good understanding of the conception of love itself can admit that he himself, is a dupe in love. For that, he has earned my respect.

2008-05-25T20:11:00.003+08:00

Yet again, havnt been blogging much lately haha so heres a rare update.

Well, to start off, I finally got my new electric guitar :3 to replace the spoilt rotting one i had. Went down to Bras Brasah Complex on sat to buy this jiggie. It cost me 250 bucks but i swear its worth all of the 250. Haha.... other places are selling the same thing are higher prices still haha. The store had a really really friendly owner and chat with another customer who taught me a few more things about guitars. Really interesting shopping experience. Well, heres some photos of the baby

Looks sexy aint it? Under abit of sunlight its actually bluish black but in a rather dark room, it looks completely black, also does when looking at it from the top haha or at least, a darker bluish-black. Under the sun its actually greenish-blue. Will snap a shot of that the next time I get the chance seeing as how its 8pm now and theres no sun haha.

2008-05-19T19:20:00.003+08:00

Just a few minor updates before the main highlight:

SA rugby - 2nd
SA girl's soccer - 2nd

Both matches were damn well played. Cheered my heart out and it was fantastic seeing the cat high peeps there too haha... too bad only second )):

Well yeap.... now on to confi camp 2008

Hmm, just had mine last year and was had wanted to join this 1, as a mentor haha, so i did ^^

Went on friday evening, with a small bag, since I would be coming back home on sat and going for softball training. Had a surprise the moment i left the house! Saw Matthew Goh at the busstop outside st nicks. Havn't seen him for such a long time, since he left cat high at sec 2 to join the sports school. He was in my class in primary school and also in sec 1 so it was nice seeing him again. He changed quite alot, very handsome now hahahaha... but still alot like the Matthew i knew, and tall. hahahaha

We caught up alot... apparently hes under a private course now learning health and fitness... well something about sports anyway XD.... yea hes still doing triple jumps and long jumps, even in national team! hahahaha

Was great talking to him again, but we parted soon after. Hope can bump into him again another day hahaha. Eitherways, took the mrt to city hall and went for the camp.

It started out good ^^... and yea, everyone was still in the "reserved" mood but it was great anyways. Played my favourite "have you ever" game :D... the game that i've been trying to play with the sec1's but always couldnt XD. Fantastic game that is.

Then it was praise and worship, wasnt bad ^^. Well the day ended quite fast i suppose.... but it was long before i slept, since had to do lots of misc stuff and all haha. Slept for about 3 hours, woke up at 5 to head down home to get stuff and then go cat high for training. WAS SUPER TIRED. hahaha... managed to survive though. Then headed back haha.

Second day was much more fun! and stressful as well. Buddy pray over was kinda scary and all... but managed to do it ^^ am proud of myself.

Pray over session was great as well haha... and again stressful and scary XD. Oh and Jaslene managed to join us for this ^^

Mainly lights out after this haha... slept at about 4, woke up at around 7 the next day. Prepped for teaching the sec1s as the rest headed down to fort canning. Finished "5 people you meet in heave" in class. fantastic show haha. Joined the rest at fort canning afterwards.

Fort canning was great haha... Im getting lazy to describe the camp.

Anyway, it was fantastic. simply fantastic haha...

Guitar Shooting

2008-05-03T20:56:00.005+08:00

Haha, highlights for today:

Went to check out some guitars with elphin today. Met at dhobby before heading down to parklane mall where we found out that the shop we initially wanted to go to was not yet open for buisness and so we walked abit further down to city music ( the same shop i got my amp from ) and there we checked out some guitars. The lin6 models were quite damn good... stores preloaded guitar sounds such as that of les pauls or strats, really cool but was off budget. The sound was really quite good if i can so say myself.

After which elphin wanted to check out an acoustic which we didnt in the end as we diverted to elecs again haha... was chatting with the dude about squire strats... and he recommended this person and boss to me where i could get a really good deal. Plan to call the guy up and see what i can arrange ((: Elphin at this point also decided to discard the idea about getting acoustics and will dive into the world of elecs.

Tested a craftman tele that was quite good if i should say so myself haha.

We headed back to that shop with the mindset to test squires so as to get a better idea of its quality and feel and such. The squire strat was what i tested at first... was quite good. familar sound and good overall feel of the bridge, didnt really like the pickguard by ah well... next was the bullet strat. Was, what i felt the best among the 3 squires i tested that day. The bridge size was good, the feel of it was really comfortable for me and the sound it produced was what i felt the best as well. After that i tested the strat humbuckle. Not a really great leap in sound quality, bigger bridge that i didnt quite like haha. I like the bullet the best but elphin thinks the humbuckle is the best among the squires.

The lady of the store let us try some project guitars. The first was a rather, uncommon guitar made using wood that was sugested to be nato. Totally custom and the sound it produced was really good imo. but its overbudget hahaha... the next was a lespaul look-a-like haha... didnt really produce nice sounding sounds for the type of songs i play but it made a rather good sound for Yui's Life haha.

After which, headed back down to dhobby plaza sing to have lunch. The strawberry milk desert was nice imo. hahaha

Looked around with elphin who wanted to buy some stuff. Headed down after hahaha.... went to starbucks! I got myself a caramel frap grande

looks really tasty doesnt it? ((:

saw this at their counter hahaha... ugly chicken puff and uglier curry puff
If they are ugly, why sell them XD

Played quite a few shooting games ((: stress relievers XD... headed back home afterthat. hahahaha....

smoker moses taken during our learning journey trip haha....

2008-04-29T18:03:00.002+08:00

I've realised, most of the time, life's such a bitch.

Just as you think things are going smoothly, life will ALWAYS turn around and slap you silly.

Maybe though... it might be good.

Anywho, school has been the same old rhetoric cycle it has always, and always have been. With the only motivation that spurs me on being my class and classmates, not forgetting some fun teachers. And PE.

Temperatures in Singapore getting really high these days, yesterday itself was scorching hot and life-draining and today, the temperature was even more intensified. I swear, the world is enroute to death. Slept during most of chinese today, guo lao shi is pretty kind to let me sleep without really scolding hahaha.... Lit test was rather horrible too, kept feeling like sleeping and my brain totally shut off.

On a brighter note, my MI maths test, as expected, got full marks. So up yours :P

Going to have to study for the function and graphing test though haha.... unlike MI, they arent no-brainer topics. Im amazed that most of my classmates have never ever cheated in an exam before.

My hands, they are cold and overwhelmed with loneliness.

2008-04-22T18:49:00.002+08:00

I guess I really need you here by my side tonight afterall.

Because... well... because the tears that have dropped have all washed my doubts and fears away.

Balls with 3 holes

2008-04-16T20:03:00.002+08:00

Haha, balls with 3 holes are bowling balls if you were wondering.

School was fairly boring today.... didnt get to slack in the ava cause it was occupied after econs lect... hope its unoccupied tomorrow :S haha.

Class college day proposal is making its way into materialism, doesnt sound exceptionally fabulous but exciting enough.

Went for recreational bowling training today also haha. Took mrt to harbourfront ( like my first time there woot ) and then bussed ( 145 ) to mt faber safra ( yea that remote )

It was rather fun, learnt some new stuff, made new friends, 2 in particular haha.

Well, thats it... im contemplating if i should do my chinese homework.

2008-04-15T23:11:00.000+08:00

I breathe in this cold air, and it freezes me.

I wonder what i need.

Where are you?

These words that appear before me letter by letter look upon me like a mirror, but it shows but one, empty entity

The Weaver

2008-04-11T19:54:00.002+08:00

A writing I did in the past XD... Here for archiving
________________________________________________________________
I am.

And I find myself taking the thread again, for what was I but a tailor? I thread the miniscule thread into the similarly minute hole of the needle I hold. I plunge the needle through a fabric, wildly and with vehement passion. I take the conjoined silk dress and offer it, ecstatic and flushed with excitement. Yes… take it! Take it and wear it! YES! Wear it! This is a gift from me to you! Take it! Please?

Tailor I may be, and a good one at that, but I cannot force it upon her. Oh… if I do, the fabric just tears that much more easily. That I realized. And she looks at me with wary but oh so gentle eyes. Oh! I feel the acceptance resounding within my body. Yes… I am a tailor – a ghastly tailor. And I take the threaded needle once again and sink it into the parts where the silk separated. I drive it in and pull it out… over and over and over again. Over so many times that they form a web around the torn pieces.

And then I feel the fabric pulling away, pulling hard. And I am so scared. Scared as the threads that hold them together starts to shake, unravel and break into two. And I am crying, crying because the threads are broken, crying because she is running away from me. And I am pulling at the ball of thread, pulling so that more will come out. I am pulling it and tying it over her so that she cannot run away. But she is struggling. She is struggling and she is breaking the tiny threads again. But I am pulling, and I am tying. Tying so tight that she cannot move! Tying so very tightly that it is almost breaking apart!

But now I am mad. Mad because she keeps trying to run away! She won’t stay STILL! I keep shouting at her to stay still but she does not understand! WHY? So I tie the thread even tighter. I am tying it harder and harder and harder, till it is cutting her skin. Blood is coming out and my thread is even redder than before. Maroon! And I am tying again but there is no more thread… and I am madder and madder because she is just standing there and looking weird. She is not screaming anymore! She is not making that weird disgusting face anymore! She likes me! But I am madder now! Because she likes me but she is not kissing me! And I am screaming. Screaming again and again, screaming… screaming. Screaming so loudly but she is not kissing me.

I am so mad. But she does not move! And there’s that bit of canvas there! I am a tailor; I never really wanted to touch that canvas. But today is special. I am so mad that I am going to put something on that canvas. And I'm taking a brush and mixing it with colors. I am super mad, super mad. And the brush is raping the canvas, hard and swift, crackling into the sheet. And I'm swiping, back and forth, back and forth and my eyes are tiny and my breath is going fast.

And I am crying now; because it is all ugly and I am snapping at it. I am so mad because it is Not Good. But I am taking the canvas again. I am taking it and I am dipping it in paint. This time, I am only dipping it with my favourite color. And ah… it is so beautiful now - so very beautiful and very red.

And I am feeling so much elation… so much euphoria! I ask her to see it and she likes it! I am painting it red even more! To make it even more beautiful! But there is no more paint! No more paint! And I am mad again! Mad because there is no more paint! Then I take her hand and she is giving me paint. She wants to paint as well! I break her thumb, because the thumb is so useless and so different. And I am smashing her thumb against the canvas, smashing it because I want to make it even more beautiful.

And I am taking even more! I am breaking her fingers, her wrist, her toes, her feet and I am painting the canvas! And she likes it! Ah… she likes me. And then I got a crazy idea… YES! Indeed! I shall paint her! And not just paint ON her, but paint USING her! And I take her thumb, her fingers, her toes and her wrist and I am framing them up. I am framing them up and I am putting them on my wall. And I cut her body; I cut them using the saw because they are so hard, like an ice. I cut them so they fit into a frame. I cut them and I hang them on the wall, along with the fingers and toes.

But then I am crying! I run out of the house and I shout, “Someone! Save her!” And I am bleeding, bleeding because I smash the door.

“Save her! Save her! Oh god! Save her! Please!”

But no one is there.

And I am crying out… crying out, “Save my painting! Forget me! Please! Save my painting!”

And I find I am not a tailor anymore. Why did I become a painter? Why did I stop being a tailor? And then I find that I did not want to become a tailor at first. Why did I become a tailor? And then I find that I don’t like her. Why did I want her? Why? Why? And I am crying.

And I am no tailor anymore. I am no painter anymore. No. No.

No.

Not Today

2008-04-10T19:08:00.002+08:00

Today was not too bad either haha... stood up for 12mins as punishment for being a minute late for chinese lesson o.o I feel like im going to fail chinese.

Went back to nj to watch nj vs sa soccer. soccur. soccr. Well, actually more like to meet nj friends, drink the desert stall auntie's strawberry peach and just hang around there. SA soccer aint too bad! But benjamin anthony raja ( nj's keeper ) was kinda good haha. Game was postponed for 1hr due to heavy rain in which i left. Ahhhh i miss nj. O.o

Well, for this post, and a few more subsequent ones, I'll be posting up some of my old writings for archiving haha.

- Not Today ( Poem ) -

I really want to believe
everything that you had said to me
to her
to us

But maybe
Just maybe
Somehow I just don’t know
What will happen today

Tomorrow?
What about it?
It is just not the same anymore
It is a different day.

I know I am not ready
For the lights to go off
Maybe tomorrow
I might…

Cause I want to believe you
When you tell me that everything will be okay
But not today…
Not today…
Not… when you leave me today.

strawberries and lucky stars

2008-04-07T18:29:00.002+08:00

Church yesterday was not too bad. Chatted more with the sec 1 class hahaha ( cause someone *ahem* was late again )... class is slowly getting into a stable routine which, actually is good ((:

  Lectored today. Felt i didnt do a up-to-par job i suppose.... the reading was in a whole continual paragrah that made reading ahead a little harder so i couldnt anticipate reading flunctuations etc. That was a bad part, plus i kept trying to hold myself back and read slower, really messing up my pace.

  The easter party after was not too bad either, but was a little anti social and didnt participate. Ahh how? Stuff just keeps flooding and corrupting my mental state. Food was good. Thanks!

  Was a little too early to meet with Jeriel so I went to dhobby to waste time. Ended up browsing Daiso for the longest time. Saw a girl holding ice cream and this uncontrollable urge overwhelmed me to get a scoop too. Went to Gelare just a floor below and got me a wild strawberry ice cream scoop. Realised some time after that there is cheaper ice cream at B2.

  Met up with Jeriel and headed over to kap. Charlene boarded the bus we were on along the way and didnt notice us and we wanted to stalk her.... didnt in the end haha. The sisters all look kinda blur :S

  Started to rain and was drenched by the time we got to kap. Used tissues to dry my umbrella (:

  Lauren's house is damn huge.

  Cutting short now, cause im too lazy ((:

2008-03-30T19:45:00.003+08:00

I hate this loneliness that has overcome me.
I hate that buzzing ringing sound in my ear.
I hate how everything seems so empty and meaningless now.

I need school. I need to do work. I need to be preoccupied.

I need someone.

I am a space filler; a temporary filling that fills emptiness within people.
I am taken, bought, utilised for companionship. Thrown away after use - disposable.
I am promised eternal attention, and then forgotten a month after.
I am decorated.
I am a display item.

I wonder if I will dare to ever speak to that one person.
I really want to tell that one person how I am really grateful.
I hope that one person understands and accepts me.
I feel like I am happy around that one person.

I'm within this writing, and yet I am not.
I'm the spaces in this writing, and that person is the text.
I'm not needed by that person to make sense, but I feel settled.
I'm who I am not.

- _____ 30/3/2008 7.52pm

The Wind's Distance

2008-03-30T13:42:00.005+08:00

You said you were only going to take a walk in the park... and you started to run.

You said you were going to your mom's for a while... you stayed overnight there.

You said you just needed to settle some administrative matters with the library... you ended up reading an entire novel.

You said you had to go use the toilet... you chatted with your friend for an entire hour after.

You said you wanted to browse for an album at the catalogue... you drowned in sleep as you listened to a track at the station.

You said you had to finish up your homework before calling... you totally forgot about the call.

You said you needed time to clear the spaces of your mind... you never returned.

Why is it, I wonder, that the wind that grabs your sail seems to be so relentless and that no matter how hard i try to call you back, that vicious wind just seems to continue tearing us apart.

But even though we are apart now, even though you might have entirely forgotten how I look like, the feeling of my hand brisking your hair, the scent of my favourite spray, the tone of my voice as it whispers to your ear, I sincerely hope you have not forgotten the time that we spent together, even if it meant just a faint picture of you with an enigmatic character. Because... well just because you are the best I ever had.

Gloomy Easter

2008-03-23T18:26:00.003+08:00

Rather depressing title I know... but that aside... It's Easter so I'll try not to be that depressed.

Things have been a standstill most of the time lately ( as usual )... I think I'm missing a flare, a spark that was faintly evident in the days of O levels. I suppose in those days of hectic rushing of homework while balancing the fair sanity of cracking jokes with peeps, there was that sense of having led a fulfilling time in the days. I just can't explain it well in words, due to my lack of good vocabulary which I am personally, quite ashamed of for my part, but it just somehow... doesnt seem to click now. As if that sort of exciting life I had just a few months ago were but a mere dream that passed as easily as I took it for granted. Times really do fly by and we really do regret not cherishing them enough. But how do we cherish times we had in the past? I mean... its always being said that we could have "cherished" those times better. How can we make "better" use of those times? But alas, I too am stuck within this very own paradox of my own... hypocritical being I am.

Even still... Much have been passing through my head again. Thoughts... Plans... I don't know... somehow whenever something in my head goes somewhere reasonable... it just reaches yet another standstill... another road block so to speak. Everytime I think I've got my life planned out... I find some bit of regret in me. I find that tiny bit that says... "hey maybe if I dont pursue it this way and go another direction, I might feel happier" How many a times do people actually get a job that they study for? How many actually lead a life they plan? How many actually experience the happiness they thought they would get in the past? I think i need many answers.

I'm slowly becoming paranoid. Too much time on my hands that I'm letting go without doing anything productive I suppose. I've got schoolwork and my vocation as a student dictates I study. But yet another part of me speaks to me not to just live my next 2 years in full concentration on schoolwork; which to an extent is really true. Many advise i seek a balance, a compromise in between those 2 aspects - life and study; but is it really that simple.... Can i just flip a textbook to its indexes and scan for a section that reads "Balancing Life and Study". I'm sure its not that simple.

Project work. I've got a project up my hands... another one ( The other 1 unmentioned would be the Passion Play project) I've been working up untill just recently, where it was concluded albeit
quite successfully in my opinion ( though could have been better) I seek solace nowhere.

It just seems everywhere around me, things are getting paired up. I dunno... it sometimes just aches me a little that people get paired up and I've been living in denial all this while. Its like being in prison... unaware of whats happening in reality while ur in ur 4 stone walls. And then theres whats in me. I am at a point of time where I once again, do not have any inkling what I am good at. What I'm useful for. What I can do. How I can benefit others. Why the hell am I even here.

Dilemas Dilemas. It sometimes just hurts me a little. I find myself too scared to make any steps forward because I'm too conservative, too cowardly in fear that it might bring me back to the first step. As if I've already gotten past the first step. I feel I've got something to lose. But do I? I dunno what to do, I have nothing to do, And i dunno if i'll ever have anything to do.

I think... up to this point, I've had a sudden realisation that my real fear isint failing in school, isint not accomplishing anything or any phobia of any kind. My real fear, it seems, has got to do with myself - loneliness - losing identity. And it seems I'm slowly plummetting into each and every one of the three aforementioned.

If i scream, will anyone listen?

Proof of Love

2008-03-13T10:37:00.002+08:00

"Honestly speaking, I have no idea why mom would have chosen to marry me, a failure, pervert, eccentric guy over all her other suitors. But there is one thing I am most confident about, and that is I am the only one who loves her the most in this whole world and I guess, that's why she married me."

Ah... there it is... that is why i married him. Even though he was always like this, always fooling around and never acted serious or mature, but I loved him, the one who accepted all of me - both my good parts and my bad parts; and who showed me, without holding back, all of his bad parts as well as his good parts.

2008-03-06T19:12:00.002+08:00

Sure, we might quarrel at times, we will come to say awful words of spite, we will scream at the top of our lungs in detest of each other, we will whine to our friends about each other, we would doubt why we even came together... but no matter any of those situations, I am sure that when I am with you, I am happiest. I am in my own forest.

The Man In The Mirror

2008-02-28T20:13:00.002+08:00

Why dost thou havth such painful eyes that bleed me.

  Is this it? Have I finally come through to what is perceived as the final destination? How did I even come to this place, this freshness of the air, this purity of thought.

  All in a dream. A passing illusion that blows the scent, as if taunting, by my eyes.

  They burn. Oh how they burn so painfully. Spare me the pain. Please? Oh please. Why do you look upon me with watchful thoughts? How can you bear to leave me in my corner to heave my crown of thorns on my own? I don't understand. I do not understand.

  Water - breather of life. God is pouring out my eyes, benevolently watching them bleed as he / she gushes out with unfeeling pressure. My covenant with Him is complete, but yet all is not entire, the job is still undone. I tear at these sights. These sights which are lay and folk in every aspect and angle of them. Is it the over demanding of my expectations? That the green I see just isin't green enough. Or the chirping just isint mellow enough to be music. I tear. I weep. I sow.

  And I revert back to my corner once more. The valley towards it - a representation of my bodily pain. These eyes that stare at me whence i walk through, they are comforting. They are not real. Reality hurts. The law of reality dictates that death is absolute. The law of death orders men to cower in their own corner. Men are transient. Death is amaranthine. I see a man emerging from the wall. A man who, like me, crawls in as if his limbs have been absorbing the cries of the world, to be distorted and without form.

  I stare through his eyes. I found my companion. His were the eyes that were so deep they seemed to hook you and brutally drag you in, akin to a slaughter house but yet they allure with a sense of harmlessness and innocence beyond compare. His were eyes of remarkable beauty and yet speak of such sophistication no Man could comprehend without aid. He has seen what suffering's true form is. He is enlightened with knowledge that we all live
seeking aimlessly and yet only he has so easily attained. Or did it come with a price?And i realised something. I found eyes that believed in me. I found eyes that shared the same tint as mine.

  I am the Man In The Mirror.

There is absolutely no reference to Michael Jackson's Man In The Mirror apart from it being the song I am listening to now and the title being coincidentally apt.

Who's going to buy neverland?

2008-02-24T20:28:00.002+08:00

Men sometimes have to put on masks, layers and layers after layers of them. All for the sake of covering the tears behind them. But these masks, who are they for? The viewer or the viewed?

If mine were eyes that weren't opened would I've been happier? If mine were the eyes that have not seen what others do not, would i be glad? If mine were eyes that could not 'see', could I still have done all I have done?

I stared into those eyes blessed with perfection, its beauty grasping tightly on my attention. But within those eyes i did not see my own transient existence but within their deep captivity i saw pain i never saw before. I saw pain that did not originate from him but from everyone else. The pain that plagued each and every soul and matter in our world had all been clearly represented within those eyes who have seen the misery of our world. I cried.

Sunwright Noon

2008-02-22T20:27:00.002+08:00

It was a rather relaxing day today i suppose. Woke up at around... 7... cause i couldnt sleep anymore haha... Then lazed around... went to bathe after before heading out to cjc.

  Initially took the bus from the wrong side haha... then had to go over to the other side to take :S waste money.

  Reached CJC at around like... 8.40... 8.50 liddat or so. Haha... actually theres nothing wrong with the school... i mean its a nice place and all... having a little regrets about my decision now... but ... the grass is always greener on the other side... especially when you go over and look back again.... Catholic school and all... it was kinda "welcoming" and "home-ly"

  Went to the office to get my transfer letter signed and chopped. Waited so long. Like... just sat there and i dunno... stare at the clock haha. Was abit awkward... i mean like... transfering out of the school then just sit there like :S... especially when they ask my cca and i was like... "errr... ncc and legion of mary" then the counter person like "err think dont put any better". Was like... shit... im such a jerk.

  Sorry CJC, my heart just didnt belong there... it was always with njc though second best is sajc.

  So bussed down after that ( took like... 45mins ) to sajc. Got to say, was really displeased with that woman from the school... right after got the transfer letter back she like so fast want to chase me out... initially planned to have breakfast in cjc but.. bah

  Hopped onto 154 where xiwen was waiting haha.. walked into sajc (:... handed my form! woot im a sajc student now :D Welcome my new life haha... gotta change the blog's profile sometime =/ Will miss NJC =(

  Hanged around haha... the chicken rice was good (:

  Jingxi and gang came by later afterwards to crash sajc haha... was really shocked :P. Well i had fun afterwards playing catch ball and basketball (:

Movie List

2008-02-17T23:13:00.003+08:00

Movies i plan to watch in Feb + March

Jumper

Ps. I Love You

Juno

CJ7

Kungfu Dunk

Ah Long Ptd Ltd

Sweeney Todd

Death Note: L Change the world

Sky Of Love

bold + italics : watched
italics : plans made

Valentine's Eve

2008-02-13T20:37:00.002+08:00

Not much happened today. As in... just usual stuff. CAAL project going to be joined together with the people from S22, some of them are irritating haha. Bio was a killer... literally went brain dead after - stared at empty space for a looooong time.

Softball training was better haha... Basic core training and stuff... my batting has vastly improved (: almost all perfect hits ( as in... good hits ) and those that werent were because of wee seng's lousy tossing up skills. Terrible tosser that idiot >.<

Quartz hurting as usual haha. Met laura on the way out... found out she stays in thomson :O and takes 74 as well haha... awkward atmosphere when sitting next to her.. prolly cus im just almost brain and physically dead and she's had a long day. Tried sparking conversations but they all died down pretty quickly haha. Im a bad person to chat with =/

Chang was acting funny... sad yesterday =(... as was with Elphin as you can see. Here is a poem that you can probably relate alot to. Hope it cheers both of you up (:

The Wild Swans At Coole

THE trees are in their autumn beauty,
The woodland paths are dry,
Under the October twilight the water
Mirrors a still sky;
Upon the brimming water among the stones
Are nine-and-fifty Swans.

The nineteenth autumn has come upon me
Since I first made my count;
I saw, before I had well finished,
All suddenly mount
And scatter wheeling in great broken rings
Upon their clamorous wings.

I have looked upon those brilliant creatures,
And now my heart is sore.
All's changed since I, hearing at twilight,
The first time on this shore,
The bell-beat of their wings above my head,
Trod with a lighter tread.

Unwearied still, lover by lover,
They paddle in the cold
Companionable streams or climb the air;
Their hearts have not grown old;
Passion or conquest, wander where they will,
Attend upon them still.

But now they drift on the still water,
Mysterious, beautiful;
Among what rushes will they build,
By what lake's edge or pool
Delight men's eyes when I awake some day
To find they have flown away?

- W.B. Yeats

Feb 12th

2008-02-12T20:24:00.001+08:00

Haha Happy Chinese New Year? ( got to say it while i still can )

Well, havnt' updated in a long while so here goes

Firstly, most importantly, i freakin got 9 for L1R5 and im not happy =(... grah. Stupid English. Stupid Chem. Bleh. Well at least lit+SS got A1 (:

My back injury didnt really heal... but recently mum and dad brought me to the Chinese Sinseh where i got my back fixed... as in... well he tried to fix it anyway. Cracked many bones here and there haha... its much better now.

Had indigestion these few days >.<... stomach going crazy haha!

Bought a new guitar! An acoustic yamaha one and it sounds awesome. Callouses on my fingertips getting really hard haha... not used to playing an acoustic since it takes alot more strength to press the strings down and the bridge is much wider >.<... trying to get used to it. Really lousy haha.

Watched KungfuDunk, staring Jay Chou as the main actor with peeps. Wasnt bad. Chang invited two of his friends as well. They were amicable and well.. even though didnt really "hang" out with them, fun to be with. Could tell (:

Still wanting to watch CJ7 by stephen chow and Ah Long Ptd Ltd by Jack Neo. Anyone interested in bringing me? (: Maybe my class will :=S

Dont really know what to blog about... but i suppose the 1 thing thats on my mind now is that im going to fail maths O.o and then retain and then jus die. haha... >.> Oh that and valentine's day. I managed to settle the gift to my classmates ( Sharing cost of the flowers with Kah Lok ) and making a few personalised notes ( hopefully pictures, if i can take them tomorrow and print them of course ).

Elphin is sad =( Cheer up bro. Softball ftw.

Confused. Over many things. Changes are rampant and.. well i hope im able to take them on.

Listening to Sum41 again. Great stress relievers haha. The old sum41 btw... not the new crappy one.

I'm in too deep, and I'm trying to keep; up above in my head instead of going under

2008-01-22T19:53:00.000+08:00

Results coming out soon (:

My back still hurts >.<... oh dear... i hope nothing is wrong. Sitting out on any physical excercise for now :S

My voice is getting thrashy-er O.O

Sat in on Guitar Ensemble training... learning how to read tao gae!! Utterly bad at it.

Trying to learn a few more songs on guitar. Not proficient in it at all >.< sounds like crap

Hope things get better

Rainy Days

2008-01-14T20:34:00.000+08:00

Summaries:

Orientation:

Was fun. Like... duper fun. Canoeing girls are relentless.

Saturday 12th Jan:

Was supposedly to be really busy. Ended up just playing pool with wee siang and eugene lim. Was fun.

Sunday 13th Jan:

Co-taught with Marie today. Oh dear... the sec 1 class has a hell lot more "troubled" kids than i could imagine. This is going to be energy-sapping.

Went to play bball with jh,chang,rotan,avril,yl and ade. Rained alot. The rather "intimidating" people that wanted to play with us were surprisingly friendly ^^ woot for kind gangsters! Back hurt alot though. Swings were fun, other than the water splashing part. Caused Avril to fall into a drain >.<>.<

Monday 14th Jan:

Initially had no lectures. Supposed to have "nua-ed" the day away till 4.30 for softball training. Ended up going to Physics lecture. WOOT I CAN UNDERSTAND. Hanged around with class. Went to Student Lounge after that to watch wu hong and lim and North play pool. Played a game. Class peeps came afterwards. Twister was sick >.< and immensely torturous. Went to canteen at like 3+... Rained! Watched the akido team. Initially headed to a classroom for softball theory. Rain stopped so went to the field. Injured my back somemore and started to hurt REALLY bad. Came back after to field and bat. Had a few awesome hits while batting. The sweet spot is now officially jasonified into the wootihititfar spot. Sometimes will be mis-called the G Spot. G for Good.

2008-01-08T21:44:00.000+08:00

Sunday

Lectored for youth mass. Haha, did a pretty satisfactory job imo. Jolene was a little fast though :X. Martin forced me to organise the passion play and some parts of the camp >.< oh dear....

Monday

Reshuffled into classes and new OG today. I've got rather fun OGLs... Paran, Val (Valerie), Dell, Marcus ( the blur 1 ) and Leung Yan. Feeling a lil outcast... only cat high in the class + there are only 2 other guys. And everyone in there practically has their own cliques already. Haiz...

Tuesday

Was better than yesterday. I can now match all the names with the faces. Maybe just pronounciation errors. Easy to remember names include : Emily, Pearlyn, Rachael, Christine, Jocelyn, Ellene, Derniese, Weiwen, Si lin, Shirley, Zhi Fang, Mayumi and the guys: Kah Lok and Chia Hong

Station games today! Woot. Was fun. Didnt get wet much.

Learnt second mass dance ( or rather the first ). Cant stop the beat from Hairspray the movie. Weiwen was my dance partner this time.

Abit hooked on listening to A Public Affair by jessie simpson

2008-01-07T21:02:00.000+08:00

The soothing breeze cuts the malicious sun
painting a calm, tranquil canvas
that is but empty as a blank
though holds more future than abstract

trying to spin a pen

Compilation of 1/1 - 6/1

2008-01-06T14:53:00.000+08:00

2/1

First day of school. Reported to National Junior College at 0700 with alex. Dad gave both of us a lift. My first hand experience at the infamous traffic jam of bukit timah road and it was very much, disturbing. The jam not only just spanned the highway, but it had been concurrently occuring with a jam in eng neo road, which is the road my dad took since it would put us in the road of NJC and not of the opp HCI. Anywho, loitered around the canteen while waiting for eugene, since I'm not too familar with the other cat high peeps around yet. The "assembly" started at like 7.45, with a very grandiose ceremony of the staff, especially the "tua pai" people waltzing in and taking seats in front.

Starting address by the principal was quite boring and a little... daunting. Well eitherways, with that gone, it was the start of my dreadful back-to-back talks and briefings. The orientation package costed 30bucks... and included a NJC brand shoebag, NJC brand towels, 2 orientation shirts ( which are nice :3 ), a hardcover ring file with a NJC orientation brand foolscap pad in, NJC brand hole puncher, NJC orientation brand pen, school handbook, collar pin ( which
is cool imo ). Yeap... wouldnt say it was really THAT worth the money but... no choice i guess. The talks were really... really boring, lukily i was in a rather good OG, with a really outgoing and fun OGl ( weiwen ) which like... dragged us out to chat haha... too bad theres a reshuffling of og on monday. Well, thats about it for that day

3/1

Every thursday, NJCians start school at 8.30am. However, for me, this will not make much difference because the jam that occured that day spanned from Thomson road, to marymount road, and ALL THE WAY TO SCHOOL. Anywho, more talks today... however the cca talk and pe talk by that errrr mr madden haha... HOD for pe was interesting and fun... SO MUCH BETTER THAN KEE YONG :X

Anywho, it was boring other than the mass dance. Which was fun *nods*. Mass dances are fun :3 however just abit long and hard to remember ( steps ) My mass dance's song is till the dawn, from the step up soundtrack. The other 1 is cant stop the beat from hairspray. Oh, and the theme for my orientation is Step Up.

4/1

Went by bukit timah road this time... Still jam, but not as bad. Early morning had a stomachache
... but i decided to erm... ren untill the talks started so i can skip abit of them haha.... tahan during
the morning assembly damn pain XD... Yin chun didnt see patrick's sms, then he came in the
orientation shirt when supposed to be in school uniform for the assembly haha...

The counselling talk was pretty funny... cus i kept going on about how i needed counselling :X
which after the talk, i really think i need. I feel so bad >.<

NJ's school song ( the malay 1 ) is really hard... i only know like the first line and the last 2 words which are "Inilah mahktab beengan kita" and "rakyat singapura" haha... and most of the rest also only know these lines. So at the start quite loud and the ending very loud *nods* interesting XD.

After all that, it was the CCA carnival! Went around to lots of cca's booths to try out etc. Played
abit of squash, went to the hockey booth and tried also ( where all my NCC seniors are also >.< )
then waltz to the softball there and played :X was better at throwing and catching than the guy
that was supposedly showing me how to play >.> haha. After that walked around... went to visit
the guitar ensemble booth, heard the harmonica people play... Basically just walked around.
I am deciding to join softball and the genshiken club ( jap club ) Haha... hope not too stress

Skipped OG outing :X cus too tired haha and nobody go =(

5/1

Not much today. Was pissed in the morning. Watched avp2 in the afternoon. Quite a bad show.
Just remember, See, there's no monster!

Bowling For Columbine

2007-12-31T00:09:00.000+08:00

Haha, sorry about my birthday blog post >.> but it was really that boring. I slept most of it so i got nothing to blog about.

Anywho, this post is about the documentary i just watched on arts central entitled "Bowling for Columbine". The title has a little pun which i'll explain now haha. If you do not know, the columbine massacre is an affair ( in the United States ) which is about a shooting outbreak in Columbine Highschool. 2 male students stormed into the library and randomly shot students. If memory serves me right, a total of 13 ( or so ) students were shot to death and a teacher was killed. Many others, were injured. The 2 gunmen then committed suicide. A total of around 900 rounds of bullets were shot in the incident.

The pun is that, these 2 gunmen were bowling right before the shooting. And due to the fact that even after investigation, no "reason" for the murders could be found, it was, ironically attributed, in the film, to the bowling.

Okay, key points that struck me in the film.

1) In light of students taking up the gun and pointing it at fellow students, the issue was largely blamed on controversial music artistes, namely Marilyn Manson because of the rather, saddistic content which he sang through his music. I disgress. In fact, in the statement given by Marilyn Manson in his interview with the filmmaker ( dunno the name ) of "Bowling for Columbine", He has actually earned my respect as a fellow human being who has proven to have a higher intellect than your average american. In his statement, he doesn't take to heart that much of the population had attributed the shootings to him but rather, he feels empathy of their blindness to the actual situation. It has struck me, especially to note, that the putting of blame on Manson was probably a diversion used by the media and government as facts show that, there was more bombing / destruction done by the US government after the Columbine massacre. The most touching line Manson said was when he was asked what he would have done, if he was put in front of the students of columbine right now and asked to say something.

To this, he replied. "I would not say anything to them. I would listen to them, because that is what no one has ever done yet."

2) - to be compounded on further next time -

2007-12-30T20:29:00.000+08:00

My birthday was boring. Thanks for the gifts though.

2007-12-26T22:46:00.000+08:00

Haha. Not much happened today.

Went out with elphin to dhobby for lunch + arcade + "see guitar". Lunch was at swensens haha... we both ate fish and chips. Wah sian, the 7% gst really pinches at ur pocket.

We only arcade a very short while... 1 Outrun game and then we like left for daiso, where i treated elphin to a can of ramune.

After that, we headed towards elphin's house. My first time being there haha. His house not bad, looks like nicely furnished and cosy. Watched him play binders ( using cheats haha ), made all the zai zai things and just prawn everything. Taught him a few songs on guitar ( like larkin step and the infamous qing tian )

Pretty much headed home after that, got on 133 at like 6pm. Traffic jam XD... only reached AMK hub at like... 6.30... where i went to 7-11 to get a bottle of meiji milk :3. Milk ftw

Waited quite long for the 265. Came home to have dinner.

Sent jaslene a song, wasnt the one she wanted.

Played dota O.o.. rhasta is pretty fun haha.

Not exactly feeling very.. light spirited now.

Felis Naveda

2007-12-25T19:54:00.000+08:00

Well... Christmas... O.o... I'll make this 1 short and simple because im abit lazy lol

Well, the pageant was so-so, Issac forgot his cue line and had a little slip up there haha. Silence while waiting for chior to just carry on =X

The christmas mass was good... after that went to east coast park ( should have gone to em's party instead... sry andrew ) wanted to see sunrise but in the end, didnt manage to accomplish that. But still, it was worth it (:

Came home, bathed, slept for 2 hours... then went to cousin's ( mum side ) house just to visit and wish merry christmas for awhilexz.

Lunch was good. Chris had knocked himself out yesterday with alcohol and so he slept most of it... a shame :S... I had 2 bacardis, about 2 cups of mixes >.< ( bad idea )... which caused the lil stomach ache i have now :S... using tea to curb it. The log cake was gud =)

Accidentally fell asleep after that.

Elphin is still on his "unwanted" mode. I feel that whole thing is really bs =/

Muffled Songs

2007-12-22T19:34:00.000+08:00

Rather ambiguous title... I know, but if I may take the liberty to add some poetic spice to this rather... disheartening happening, well... you can't stop me anyway :P

Okay... I'll cut to the chase, my guitar is totalled =( The internal wiring is erm... not wired properly and erm... its either hard/impossible to get it wired back XD. Itchy fingers >.< v="CpvYoY4juLc">

"In any case, it is one of the better-known songs in English-speaking countries, and it is often sung at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Day. Like many other frequently sung songs, the melody is better remembered than the words, which are often sung incorrectly, and seldom in full."

- Source: wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auld_Lang_Syne)

And the verses ( after english translation ) are as such:

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne ?

CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup !
And surely I’ll buy mine !
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
CHORUS

We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine ;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.
CHORUS

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine (dinner time) ;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.
CHORUS

And there’s a hand my trusty friend !
And give us a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.
CHORUS

Source: Wikipedia again =)

You can view the original lyrics at the site as well.

The lyrics are pretty self-explanatory and what it has sparked in me were mainly reminescence, nostalgia and... well really a convulsion of feelings.

In others, I actually had thought of a rather sophisticated discussion to put up here before my headache set in but because of this accursed pain, it has thus slipped my mind. Should it ever come back, I might post it up :S

add on:

Just thought that i should share something else that I was looking into today

And Just what is that something? Martin Luther King Jr.

Some of you might be unfamilar with him. Well, basically he was one of america's leaders ( after kennedy ) and he was the one that established racial coexistence/understanding in america. I wonder if thats a suitable word for it but... erm yea. Basically, even though the negros in america were in fact, already freed from slavery, they were still... ostracised and segregated, living in the outskirts. MLKjr was an activist in abolishing this, refusal of human rights to negros.

And just why am i blogging about this... person who doesnt seem to make much difference in our ( singaporean ) lives? Well, because i disgress. Firstly, apart from the cliche "we're a largely racial variated society" talk, I would like to say, it is not just about that. I admit i am racist anyway >.<

So, what has made me respect him? His intellect. I deeply respect him for that astounding logicist he is, and incredible style of speech.

You can find his "I have a dream" speech here:

http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkihaveadream.htm

So, on what grounds do I say that hes a fantastic speaker? Well, lemme just quote wikipedia some of his famous quotes ( that rolled off the tongue pretty well :S )

Men often hate each other because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they can not communicate; they can not communicate because they are separated.

I particularly liked this one quite alot haha.

The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate. So it goes. Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction.... The chain reaction of evil — hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars — must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

On some positions, Cowardice asks the question, "Is it safe?" Expediency asks the question, "Is it politic?" And Vanity comes along and asks the question, "Is it popular?" But Conscience asks the question "Is it right?" And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must do it because Conscience tells him it is right.

Well, just a few of his quotes. There are alot more to be found http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Martin_Luther_King%2C_Jr. where i got the quotes.

National Junior College

2007-12-21T23:34:00.000+08:00

Haha, I went to NJC this morning ( at around 9 am ) for the subject combination briefing haha. Getting there was pretty easy I guess, I mean... with a bus that comes at the frequency of once per 5 minutes, it really feels awesome. Especially when throughout secondary school life, the buses you wait for comes once every 10+ minutes only. Lol... though I am still plagued by the terrible 265. Eitherways, 74 wins. Haha, even though the route it takes to NJ is really long... but it skips alot of stops, mainly because they are really remote places, like the cemetary, where one boards/alights, so it just zooms past.

Almost missed the stop, stopped when i saw the awesomely huge HCI haha. Damn, sian, stupid fat lim never answer the phone =.= Yeah, i ended up going alone >.<>.< And the subject combi I plan to take was "not advised" by the... erm, speaker, whoever he was. Said that it spread over the arts and science too much. Not sure if i can handle but hey.. won't harm to try.

Well, heading back home was a chore. The side gate ( where i entered ) from was locked. And the bus stop I take home is right out the gate. Wanted to climb at first but that inner conscience in me said to behave :S... Ah well, next time, screw that inner thingy.

Had to walk ALL the way back, CLIMB the super long flight of stairs, WALK somemore behind before getting to the main gate which by the way, is REALLY remote. And the walk from this gate, to the nearest bus stop ( really, not just bus stops i can take ) is like O.O. Because you have to trek the remaining distance of NJC, then you get to raffles girls primary school, WHICH IS ALSO HUGE, trek around the whole entire school, walk out into the main road, walk alot down, before you reach the bus stop. Took a whole 20 minutes ( walking at normal pace ) to get there from the gate. Note, from the gate.

Yea, so that was my excursion to NJC.

I dont have much... erm... deep thoughts to write about haha so i guess thats it. My day was really, mostly about just that. *nods*

Changing Points in Life

2007-12-21T01:23:00.000+08:00

Well, after much wrecking of brain cells, trying to remember what i had initially wanted to blog about, i finally got it! Yes! ( and the loss of the topic has to attributed to a certain somebody *glares* )

Okay... so... "changing points in our life"... sounds pretty simple imho, but i think i'll be expanding this a little... deeper lol.

So, what exactly are these "changing points?". I guess changing points are a little too vague, i would suppose... maturity points is a more suitable word but because of the nature of the topic im going to touch on, i'll stick to changing.

These points are basically points in our life / encounters which, well, changed us in a way. In my sense, makes us matured.

There is but a fine line between what defines adolescence and adulthood. Precocious children would have surpassed this fine line in their early years of adolescence while childish, unintellectual adults might never ever even glimpse that line. So then, how does a teen get past that line?

Well, I wouldnt say that ALL teens would come past the point in time where they actually get past that, and i wouldnt take the liberty as to conclude that i have done so as well. Though what defines someone that has "matured", apart from naturally, mental maturity and of course, resillience. But apart from that, they are people who would stick close to their morals, know distinctively what they want, and are extremely clear cut about Life. I guess, they are the people closest to enlightenment. People who deserve respect =) *nods*

So then... what are maturity points? I guess, they are encounters that really give u one tight smack in ur head, pull you into reality and harshly show you the truth of the world. Haha. Or really encounters and trials that put your very existence and character to the test *nods*

I wouldnt dare say I've gone past one just yet, but maybe... just maybe, because of an incident recently, I find that i've matured quite alot =). I am thinking deeper now, and Im expanding my thoughts alot now recently. Not all my thoughts are on this blog but... some are on my phone i guess lol. I cant really blog about this incident since its rather... erm sensitive, but yea, I guess because of it, I've changed, probably not that drastically, but I've changed.

Further blogging, well, talked to nicholas yeo ( neighbour ) on msn again. Been some time haha. Discussed a few fun topics and such, hes still online lol, about to watch emily rose XD. In my attic now at the moment by the way so that parents + sis dont catch me XD. Just got lonlier with more people logging off msn, relating to less people to chat to, which
explains me blogging right now as well :P Been unable to sleep early lately XD insomnia kicking in again because of lack of milk in the fridge haha.

Well, I've been reading stuff on wikipedia just now. Was reading about sleep ( because nick brought it up ), learnt that the sleeping disorder I've been suffering was night terror ( something like heightened nightmares, except your just scared but there isint anything that is scaring you, well, could be possibly because usually you forget what your scared of but the emotion sticks, as said by wikipedia ) and sleep paralysis ( something like a pressing feeling against your chest whicih prevents you from... erm.. moving, and it hurts ). Yea... well it is interesting to know that all these were attributed to demon possesions in the past haha. Also learnt about microsleep ( momentarily falling into sleep for a few seconds ) and slow-wave sleep ( having half the brain in rest mode ), which i guess are really useful skills i need to pick up for school :P. Also read a little on hypnosis hahas.

Other than this... hmmm oh "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUY8iT525yQ&feature=related", is a nice singaporean singer's original song - Larkin Step. Been listening repeatedly the day before and yesterday. Took some time to figure out how to play ( by ear ) on the guitar yesterday morning, because her guitar is abit out of tune but its a great song and i finally got it =). It is addictive.

Also, I am addicted to "Dance Inside" by The All American Rejects now >.<

Oh... and a line that i got from D-Gray Man while watching it :S lol Well, sort of adapted but... here goes anyway
The world i live in is not made by land or sea, it is formed by the people I have encountered

Not much thoughts on this, its as it is lol. Well, I have thoughts but im a little lazy to type them out anyway haha.

I guess thats all I have for now O.o

Line in my head at the moment :

What makes the one to shake you down?
Each touch belongs to each new sound
Say now you want to shake me too
Move down to me, slip into you

Haha guess where its from XD

Re-Vamped

2007-12-16T18:43:00.000+08:00

Yea, as you'd have noticably seen, its been revamped. So Enjoy and feed my tagbox :S

I Actually Dunno what to post :S so ima go take something off my phone's notes and post it here

Here Goes:

And suddenly, all that I have so intimately been familiar with have become totally foreign and incomprehensible to me. Just as if I have degenerated to the mentality of an infant once again, and to don on the clothes of one, crawling towards an entirely enigmatic path

Edit:

since it looked awesomely short, I am going to try extending this post. Well first off, lets put a sig to make it look more attractive!

Title : Life In Portrait ( In case you cant read the text ). Credits to deviantart for stock

And following, the song on youtube that I've been listening to repeatedly back to back for the past few moments ( i think im on count 15 at this time )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCsruomCCzs

Lillix - Sweet Temptation

Why I Like This Song: Catchy tune, pretty deep lyrics and 3 hot babes =) guess which of the 4 i dont like >.>

Why the lyrics? From my interpretation, I find that its telling us to break free of the limitations and go with the flow, which is sorta what i really want to achieve as well. Haha, yeap.

Nothing deep coming so I'll leave it for another day

Food For Thought

2007-11-23T20:11:00.000+08:00

Well, since i have got nothing to blog about these few days. And i kinda dont feel like blogging about today, and in a bid to get this blog more active.... im going to put down my daily, sometimes weekly food for thoughts here. There are alot so it wont be the whole sale thing... since i'll definitely forget some... but i guess i have a few today =\

1. Ignorance is Bliss

Okay, you can take a breather here, because im not actually going to talk about its actual meaning so i shall spare you mortals of the technical jargon. Actually im here to compete the phrase. If ignorance is bliss, does that mean thoes mentally ill are the most blissful? Is ignorance really bliss? What bliss is it if you do not "understand", if you cannot "comprehend". Maybe its just me, but i find that ignorance is really not bliss. To not know is actually a torture. In fact, the reason why people sometimes suicide is because they do not know. What they do not know? Well, there are many variants. But the main one we all have to face is our ignorance of how, why, when the world came about and WHO or WHAT exactly is the cause. Of course, the largest majority portion of our plague here is why.

Then, the second point i want to contest about this is... again regarding to the mentall ill-ed. If they, who are the pinnacle of ignorance, are really blissful. Why do we pity them? Should not we instead, respect them? Sometimes we are so caught up in acting like we pity people that we actually hurt them. It may yet again, just be my cruel thoughts but what exactly does an ignorant person seek? As mentioned before, no one likes to be ignorant, that im certain, even those ignorant of the pain ignorance brings. ( take a moment to comprehend that ) So then, why is it we shower pity on these people? To just look like we're compassionate?
What then? is true compassion. What exactly makes someone an empathetic person? The answer is rather simple, in fact, its built within each and everyone of us. To a certain extent, no matter how unfeeling you can be, we all have empathy within us - ( which then brings me to the 3 word "sutra" of the chinese in which the first phrase roughly translates to, every human is born good-natured ). Indeed, I feel that empathy is when we get that, prick within us ( no matter how deep within that means ). Unfeeling people might pose off that they do not feel, but are unfeeling people really unfeeling? Actually, I think they are at the other end of the empathetic cycle. They are so feeling that they appear unfeeling ( comprehend this ). So then what i suggest next time, is not to feel that pity when we see less fortunate people. In fact, show no pity at all, show empathy. How do we do this? Well, I am still on the road to figuring just how.

2. There isin't any

We have seen the cliche a few million times. "There isint any". What isint any is there? This isint really a food for thought but it gets me thinking once again ( things that get me thinking are so vast that i myself feel i dont think enough ) Okay... back to topic. How the hell does this get me thinking? Honestly, i have no idea. In fact, i havnt thought about it untill i actually wrote it down. I myself wanted to use the cliche. Then again, I myself am contradicting myself by actually writing something about "there isint any". So there you have it. What exactly isint there any?

Grad Night 2007 + Misc.

2007-11-14T15:16:00.000+08:00

  Well folks, or rather, me, it has been a rather long time since i ever saw this posting page or even visited my blog ( so much so that i feel its rotting already ) ew... whats that smell =\

  Eitherways, i'd rather just skip talking about what ever happened in thoes months i've not blogged and talk about whats about to happen which obviously, is what is in the title of this post. Okay... so grad night has finally come... looking back at my life in Catholic High... I'd say i've come a long way. For me who already detested stepping into the gates of that school right on day 1 in Secondary 1... I definitely have different feelings about that now. Why would i feel such utter disgust at the start? Well, try staying in a boy's school for 6 years, then going on to the same boy's school and thinking about spending another 4 years in that hell hole. That + LHB.

  Okay, pond's and forests aside, why I feel that this school of mine has done me good is rather simple. I've got friends there. Hahas.... well, that and the green pants are already in my veins :P

  Eitherways, seeing as how im about to run out of time as i'd be going with phin to buy stuff b4 going to the place, I'd blog about O levels another time :P

Long Time No Post

2007-09-03T20:27:00.000+08:00

Well dont be surprised by "me" writing this post. Its just more convienient to use this gmail account instead of the other for my blog entries.

Well, indeed, it hast been some time since i posted and thats mainly because of two reasons

1. I have been busy with other preoccupations

2. I have been plain lazy.

There... thats the reason why i havnt been blogging =)..

So why the sudden change today?

Well... simply because i felt like i had to... after listening to this piece.

What piece is it? Mozart's - Requiem. As to how to occured to me to listen to this piece is through an anime and its a long story so i shant discuss it hahas.

Well... it was mozart's last piece and a timely piece indeed. How coincidental that he died with requiem as his last piece ever composed.

Well... it is a piece that sounds like there are 7 major layers being played and thats a fantastic combination. Additionally, it has that melancholic theme ( which fits the title perfectly ) and its subtle mournful, guilt, regret and fear all exudes from the piece itself. It has a calming tone most of the time though excited with the loudness of the instruments but on closer hearing ( my second hearing ), i could feel that it indeed does consoles and it sensitively comforts. As weird as the song and as sad as it might sound like, i would really like this song to be played at my deathbed. O.o

Well... thats about all hahas... yes short post and all. Had fun ytd btw... though really sleepy XD.

l.o.v.e died 10 yearsago

2007-08-12T20:47:00.000+08:00

sorry for the emo title :P but its my current inspiration lols. Yes... im back to the saddish genre

Anyway, to start out, this is my newest sig, which corresponds to this entry's title

Would say i did quite a good job on this one. Kinda inspirational and the theme fits the stock. Credits for stock image goes to deviantart ( the artist who made it anyway ) I did not photograph it, i edited it ( quite abit ), changed the colours, added abit of my own elements etc. hahas.

Done in : 20+ minutes

Well then... as to explain why i am so sad today... its because of yet another drama. By the way, i finished Nobuta wo produce too and now im a fan of Erika Toda ( the girl who acted in Death Note as well ) and Maki Horikita ( the one who acted as Ashiya in the recent Hana Kimi jap remake as well ). Both are bishoujos so go check them out :P

Alright... the show which caused my sadness today. Its entitled Crying Out Love, In The Center of the World in crunchy roll ( which if you searched you'll find it. ) Dubbed in english to be
"Socrates in love". By the way, Socrates is aristotle's grand-teacher. He taught Pola who then
taught aristotle hahas. Eitherways, the focus is not on Socrates.

Alright... what is this show all about?

Sekai no Chuushin de, Ai wo Sakebu or Crying Out Love, In The Center of the World, as synopsised by crunchyroll viewers :

"I thought I might be using a lifetime's happiness in a moment. I was that happy and she was that beautiful." A young boy stands on the red earth of Australia under its blue sky. It is 17-year-old Sakutaro Matsumoto. His time with the girl comes back to him. The colored sand runs through his hands and a tear appears on his cheek. He wakes up. It's 2004 and he is 34 years old and in Japan. He thinks "I have been in a world without her for 17 years." Returning home to see his old high school for the last time before it is demolished, Saku confronts anew the loss of the love of his life, Aki, to leukemia 17 years ago. Now a medical researcher at graduate school, he has been living as if half of him died with her since then. Based on the bestselling novel that sold over 3 million copies, the past and present come together in this love story that is both pure and sad.

Hahas... though it isint appealing when i read that. To be honest, i wanted to give this drama a skip and now im glad i actually watched the first episode. ( though a little regretful considering that now my tears are entirely drained ). Just a little note, unlike water boys, this drama DOES not bring you on a emotional rollercoaster ( or maybe it does make you feel glad when you see the romancy part at the start ). Yea, just a piece of advise, have tissues beside you or you are going to find your shirt pretty wet. I am serious. This show tugs at your heart like nothing else in this world. After viewing this show ( well 4 eps of it ) i already thought that "this is so sad... i kinda want to have a relationship like that but then again, i dont want to" kind of feelings. It is that sad. I cried at every ep. ( Maybe not that much in ep 2 but certainly alot in ep 3 and 4 )

For thoes who really want to peak into the world of pure love, watch it. I am sure you are going to love it. Okay... thats all for today's post hahas. *notice how i never talked much about my day thus far? Goes to show what i have been doing today =X*

2007-08-10T19:37:00.000+08:00

been some time since i last blogged again hahas. Been busy watching drama :P

Yeah... i pretty much finished umm... 3 series and 1 movie ( all jap ) in the past week ( started last saturday, ended the 3rd series ytd, started the 4th today )

So then... what have i been watching?

First up was the water boys movie. Absolutely kick ass ( and what sparked the later watchings ) hahas... I watched it before ( though REALLY long before ) and i did not sit through some parts ( or maybe i just forgot ). Anyway, water boys is a film that makes u laugh and cry. Yeah.. kinda simple hahas. Its superbly comedic in nature and very moving till the very last second. Of course, the whole show isint entirely on the "boy's synchro" portion but it has elements of love, friendship and life decisions packed within as well. Certainly worth the watch ( i feel like buying it though i have the feeling my sister already bought it in the past )

Overall, i give it a 9 / 10 ( for some not-so-pretty/attractive actors and actresses within )

Next up is the water boys 1 serial. Just like the movie, its absolutely kick ass and it has teen mesmeriser yamada takayuki (sp?). Who pretty much is one of japan's highest salary earners. The lead female actress ( Miyaji Mao ) is... pretty plain at the starting but you start to see her good points mid way through the show and boy... thats when you start to feel she shines. In this serial, the same elements appear once again but this time, more intricate ( given more time to develop and all ) and certainly, it brings you through a rollercoaster of emotions. With that many ups and downs, you are certainly to be moved at the last episode :P Superb plot planning. Did not quite like the ending cause they kinda left the love plot "hanging" abit and only "hinted" hahas... Really wished to see a conclusive ending. But really... i guess its water boys's speciality to have a not-so-conclusive ending. In any case, it was reeeeally good. The support actors were great as well ( loved the hydrophobic dude. So funny hahas )

Overall, its a 9.5/10

Next is water boys II. In here, it sets a rather new setting and again, absolutely kick ass. The actor who acted as Eikichi fitted just well with his (blur blur) look and the series in it self got me glued to it alot. Ishihara Satomi ( the lead female ) is SUPER chio and now im an advocate of her hahas. In this addition, it feels that they really went through searching for actors cause all of them were great in this film. The ending was more conclusive and really left that bitter-sweet feeling which is superb. More key elements seen in the other 2 and it had its own touch to it. The lead support ( the 1 who acted as yowasuke ) was fantastic as well.

overall a 9.8/10

Last up is H2 - Kimi wa ita hibi. This is rather different being a baseball drama hahas. Watched it since it had Ishihara Satomi ( Haruka Koga in here ), Yamada Takayuki ( Hiro Kunimi here ) and the dude who acted as yowasuke in WB2 ( Noda here ) Superb acting and i wonder if it was intentional but they had references to WB in this series in that there was a scene where we see 3 boys in swim-gear doing synchro like dance moves :P

Overall a 9.8/10 as well.

Yea... hands getting tired. Think i'll leave this post as this :P

FOCUS!

2007-08-02T20:19:00.000+08:00

Hahas... title was on a whim. Really.

Naw.. actually it is THE key phrase for today. ( something like sesame street's letter of the day? ) lols. Basically the teachers are pressing us to focus. But ah... focus and jason just doesnt mix @.@... gota practice on that skill ><. Lol... i lose focus too easily. Like... now <.<

Nothing big really happened today except for the after-school english oral prac with e.heng. Oh boy... that was so screwed up ( pardon choice of phrase here. I know there is a better phrase out there but i just feel this suits it the best :P ). During the reading... midway he was like "STOP! You are losing momentum! You just dropped from a 12 to a 11. See thats your weakness. DO AGAIN"

And following after were 5 more turns. In which my "marks" dropped from 11 to 10, to 8 back to 9, then to 8 again and finally back to 11. Hellish. By the end of it. I lost all the focus i previously had for picture discussion ( my forte =3 ) and my mouth was so dry it was just screaming in pain ><. Competing with bobby yong when he's screaming orders for the NDP thingy is something you should NEVER try. lols. The old man still has voice in him.

Anyway.... i breezed through ( lousily if i may add ) the other 2 sections and left soon after. ( not without being servant-boy to eheng for 1 last go )

Took 13 with lim and saw rotan and chang walking out of gate hahas.

Back home... decided to do chemistry ( though i left quite a few blanks <.< ) and then afterwards studied history before watching an ep of OverDrive ( kikass anime )

Just had dinner. Sushi ^^ hahas lovely.

Sick ~.~

2007-07-31T19:05:00.000+08:00

@.@ sick today... haiz... even though i sleep so early again @.@

Yeah... so the whole day was spent moping around being sick XD.... couldnt even concentrate
from the first morning period with e.heng's Oral pract stuffs.

Used about erm.... 4 packets of tissues + half a packet from start of day to when i left the school gate. And just finished a box of tissue at home ^^'.... nose feels like its going to drop hahas.

Just now attempted to do the relative velocity ws leong gave us to do like 2 days ago... and like... i feel like i still dno how to do relative velocity... haix... so cham hahas and havnt do a.maths 2004 and 2003 tys hahas.... + havnt do e.maths 2006 and 2005 ><.... haiz.... feel like breaking down. Only site of rest is in anime T.T... allen walker ftw :P

Yeah... not much energy to post anymore so you'll find that today's post is a lil short... in fact
very short... Like ending now kind of short ^^' hahas...in fact im just trying to extend it a few
lines >.> to make my entry appear sophisticated. <.<

But anyway... since i've not been doing much of such stuff... ima try crapping up a poem about
how it feels like to be sick now. While i am still sick XD.

4 walls around me;
4 limbs abound me.
4 aches in my body;
over, throughout, all within me.

A breeze - a sneeze,
a sneeze - a breeze.

I wonder how long it'll take,
I wonder how much i can take.
I wonder if it can just take a break,
I wonder if it will make me break.

Sitting here.
Lying there.
Standing up -
Oh what a chore.

Will i get well?
I wouldn't know.
Maybe i should see a doctor
All for just this little cold.

The cold

Shitty day @.@

2007-07-30T19:36:00.000+08:00

yea the title kinda puts it in 2 words for me XD....

Well... i kinda slept at like 9+pm the night before ( YEAH freaking dam early @.@ )... and when i woke up.... i was still sleepy... crazy man. Sec 4 life is mad XD... I have never worked even 1/10 of what i have worked in my entire life as compared to this year alone hahas.

Okay... er jie took a ride to the mrt ( she going camp hohos... got room to myself again ^^ ) then go school. Almost late hahas... enter the classroom at 6.59! whoots :P.... then found out eheng was earlier and had written the instructions on the whiteboard liao ( bummer... ) lols

Today's essay topic was on Pets / Dogs... Kinda intriguing topic i would say. Honestly, i would have written a narrative ( like i always have ) on prolly dogs and
craft some story in which some char will always die and there will be some sort of moral
behind his death that sorta thing hahas... However... i decided to do what i would do
for my english tuition and wrote a expository on Pets. Hahas... was a kinda hard topic
i would say... Didn't write much ( reason mostly being the distractions ). There was just
this SUPER irritating NDP music playing over the PA system. Even had some RmB version
of your traditional songs. There was even a rap for Chan Mali Chan which just threw the
class into complete laughter hahas.

Okay... so that was just the morning. Lessons were hellishly boring so i won't want to
recount them hahas... But seriously, even before mid-day. I was already feeling
drained. Just felt like sleeping but had to sorta wake myself up constantly.....
Completly couldn't keep 100% attention during lit lesson and that was kinda a shame. ><

AFTER WHICH.... just when i thought can go home and take a rest b4 starting work again....

Got the chem mock paper practice. Haiz... so sian lo.

Go there take the chem test ( which was really easy ) then like... go through ( for dunno wad )
then go home. By the time reach home was like... 5pm hahas. Mad hell man. Lucky today no
tuition if not i think i collapse le.

So then i started work already ( yeah... crazy man )... went to complete my history essay hahas.

Played a game of pangya after-wards ( miss alot of chip-ins and almost tore my neck off ) hahas

Yeah... thats about it for today hahas... Maybe i'll post the 7-page essay i made awhile back.

Re-blogging again

2007-07-28T19:27:00.000+08:00

Ok Alright. Havn't blogged in a really.... well... really long time XD... why? Dunno @.@ decided to blog again since its closing in on O lvls and i think i wanna sort of... record? this last stretch of my secondary life XD.... lots of things happening lately anyways haha and there are alot of people pestering me / reminding me that i havnt been updating this blog of mine :P

Well... for starters, my parents just came back from their 2 weeks ( well more than 2 weeks ) trip to UK and its sorta been "cultural shock"? for me. Seems like they changed a bit :P and i need getting to used to living with my parents again... ( man... i was feeling so comfortable alone :P )

Downloaded gunbound a few... moments? ago and played a game or 2 just for kicks... Seems like im getting really bad at it XD.... nothing much to play these days.... Oh yea, sister intro-ed me to watch Hana Kimi ( well not really intro-ed ) and its the japanese version ( the taiwanese version was ugh... )...
I would say, its pretty good :D... at least theres more vivid acting ( that both incorporates
realism and humour at the right moments ) and the plot organisation etc. is much better.
Besides, such shows have to be set in the japanese context for it to be nice :P.. It just aint that
appealing when you set such a plot within the more "chinese" context.
And singapore just wont cut it either hahas.

Watched claymore ep 17 also. And it was so kickass ><>

Thought this was a fantastic piece hahas... Inspired by "The Rain Horse", a lit text that we were
analysing in lit class hahas. This sorta fits the persona i guess. ( Stock image not mine )

So thats about it? For this post anyway. hahas. Maybe i might blog abit more :P

Confirmation Camp 2007

2007-04-22T20:13:00.000+08:00

Well, i just thought that since this had been such a turning point in my life that... you know, it deserves a post in my blog XD If i would sum it all up in a scenario... i guess it'll be like ur first try at english tea. A rather unwillingness to do it because of its colour and because you think the hot water will scald your tongue and initially, its bland when u try it... but as u sip it up slowly, and as u get to the climax, you really get the high of it all.

  Okay... i dont really know where to start but i think i'll start with me, on friday, right after school... well GT wanted to pon his POP as well so he took a cab and left pretty early. yeah.... and then, i forgot how but me rotan and jh ended up having lunch together at the canteen as usual hahas.... then jh had to go for self-study and i followed rotan la... then cus want to like "pei" him awhile... went to take a detour to take 162 from jh's bus stop. I rmbr on the way i was like... "wa lao... got camp.... waste my saturday sia... sian cannot watch anime" yeah... that was basically my whole mindset of "before camp" lol... well i missed a 162 right when i reached the bus stop and waited a REALLY long time before the next 1 came... of course i was in time for my 3.40 265 track at amk central hahas.

  So okay.... that was basically it... when i reached home i basically watched anime, charge up phone and ipod and last minute packings and such hohos... i still was reluctant to go for the camp but like... confirmation camp la... die die oso muz go T.T lol.

  When the time finally came, dad fetched me to yck mrt and from there... my life changing journey begun.

  The train ride was very weird... i mean, i still had that "okay lets just get this over and done with" mindset almost throughout... but when i was on the train itself... i dunno why but there was just this mind-blowing intuition that something was going to happen that i will NEVER expect... something really big.

  It did. Really... i'll not go into all the minor details but i'll leave the funny stuff in hahas... its something i'll never ever expect yea?

  When i reached lakeside ( a SUPER long train... taking from YCK all the way left and down into jurong interchange, then crossing over to take past chinese garden towards boonlay ( before boon lay actually ) lol... and there... lakeside. Okay la... i was exagerating a lil... not SUPER long hahas... just a pretty long ride. Took about... 45 min? around there.... reached at 7.40 at lakeside.. ( planned meeting time was .30 lol ) saw adrian, andrew and gerald at station control there... so yeah, we from there the 3 of us took adrian's car to the retreat centre.... pretty nice place =3....

  Okay... i think i'll just leave out first night since its pretty boring >.<

  So saturday... yeah, this was the impt day lols...

  What struck me were 2 things really... a sharing session with sylvester and the praise and worship session at night.

  I'll not divulge sylvester's story since it should be kept secret but the jists of it was that... even such a devestated, cruel life that seems so common and so.. cliche in our modern days... you know, even that unwillingness opens up itself when god is with you... really. I was really inspired by him and ... yeah, i find his cause great.

  The praise and worship was simply... godlistic hahas.... Normally, i dont really open myself up much during p&w, maybe its because of my upbringing... where my parents basically just brings me to church, sunday class then i go back like i've just woken up... not really much of a special meaning. Maybe because of this p&w just seemed like a "singing" or "caroling" session to me... but when i saw alex so immersed in p&w during the first night... i was thinking to myself, "why don't i try?" so... yeah, i did. I just threw away all my thoughts then... it really seemed time was endless, totally forgotten of all my worries, all my work, all my duties, all my responsibilities, my life even. I was just simply a servant of god here to sing his praises. And, God is just God... I was thrilled... i mean, words simply popped out like water flowing down a waterfall and there was simply nothing you could do to stop it... i felt invincible. Then there was the pray-over and i guess i wanted a sign... u know for the past few years of my catholic faith... my faith was directly dependant on faith and stories of other people themselves... i wanted a story of my own... i wanted to be affirmed of his presence among us. And he did.

  When alex, amelia and michelle prayed over me... the words "holy spirit come into me" just simple came into my mind... and i just kept repeating that in my head... over and over and over again... and i started to sway... i was afraid, thinking that maybe i would get slain and just fall over and black-out or something and i tried to hold it in.. i think its really a human reaction? lol... then i felt my hair beginning to rustle... thought they were putting their hands over me but they told me after they didnt and... really, something was REALLY there... i could feel, sense, touch it... i could not see it but it was just moving, embracing me some sort. And yeah, i felt a push but i tried to hold it in still, stumbling and after that, i just started to sway more vigourously and i felt my legs go soft and by the third strong push, i fell.

  It was cold, that was most i could remember... a cold, shivering feeling full of fear, full of uncertainty... i dunno... it was scary i guess. I laid there, shivering madly, trying to get up but my whole body was just immovable... i could feel someone pulling my hands back in together, i could hear the songs being sung, i could feel everything around me but i could not open my eyes, i could not do anything. Then i just surrendered to it all and enjoyed the peace within the shivering itself... and ya la.... very cool and all.

  So yeah, that was the changing part of it all. Lol... i dunno, still waiting for my calling but i guess by this experience, my faith really grew la hahas.... also grew ALOT closer to my friends there... they dont just seem to be "church mates" or "sunday sch classmates" but "accompaniment in my journey" Yeah... dont have much time so i'll end it here lols....

2007-04-03T18:33:00.000+08:00

Hahas... havnt posted in a LONG while >.>... think ima keep this short since i gota go for tuition soon O.O...

Well, i just recovered from my STD ( as jh said it was ) >.>... basically my *ahem* scrotum was swollen and itched + pained like hell... went home after 3rd period on monday O.O... lols... the school system needs to change man... WHY THE HELL DO I NEED A PARENT TO PICK ME UP when im not having a fever or anything.... sure, maybe its to prevent students from going somewhere else... but dont you have security guards at the gate? Or couldnt you just CALL the parents and tell them about the situation? WHY do you need parents
to COME down and pick the sick up... geez.

Well, i bought a new bag today :D... hope i dont get screwed >.> 33 dollars... not so bad, bought it
at AMK there hahas... at first went with su de yao to J8 see see for bags but nothing much interesting, only saw a pretty good one at OceanPacific but it was like 37 bucks... and kinda small, not really worth the cash. Lol... anyway, pretty glad i made the purchase anyway, its MUCH bigger then my old ( almost tearing ) one now. lols...

~*shooting stars~*