By far, worst dinner out ever though ironically, the one where I managed to think through about life the most.
I've finally managed to pin-point the reason why I absolutely, and I use that word there for specific reasons, hate michelle. She is a self-motivated, self-centered and arrogant person. Actually, I hate any sort of people who are like that. Perhaps that particular value is in direct contrast to all I believe in. I could probably tolerate degrees of other annoying traits such as stubbornness or rashness or any other sort but I firmly believe that the root of all evil lies not in money but in self-centric views. In fact, the only reason why money seems evil lies in personal greed and thus once again, points to a very self myopic view on life. Money on its own is just paper and is definitely neutral; the human impulse to satisfy but oneself and its inability to consider other people before oneself distorts money.
Since all evil lies in selfishness, then love is the opposite of it and this indeed is true. The reason why love is so highly lauded and seems noble is only because it is a concept or state of being where humans display the ability to rise above... well humanity.
In that case, love or any expressions of love must never be married to self-motive. This is also why in conversations with people from church, it is definitely a much more pleasant, personal and intimate experience, admittedly more so than my nuclear family itself. Sincerity is thus key and for that, I am glad I have studied literature - Dear Sister, I can read your motives and they certainly aren't pleasant or agreeable.
Thus marks another new point in self-searching - how does one become able to only practice this universal love much like Herlanders. We need a god that expects no "honor, reverence, obedience" from you. A god that expects things not done for him but from him. To live "as if God was real and at work within them" is key and by then humans will look not at eternity because the hopes attached to eternity is experienced not in the hereafter but in the here, the now. God is thus incongruous with self-gain as well - that God is the manifestation of love means God is the manifestation of all that is not self-gain.
They are full of filth, made entirely of black webs
spun by the widow like venom to blood - yet;
speak them to me - whisper them in my ears so
only I can hear them.
Although all this time I've been waiting for you,
perhaps it has been you waiting for me.
Give me a silver drop of your time
and I will treasure it till it gleams gold.
of the cliff overseeing still waters,
a fire burns deeply
and with an eagerness grave.
How shall I cross?
