"I can't take it anymore! Stop! Stop! STOP!"
at that time, I really resented the fact that I was the only one who had to go through all this. "Why did it have to be me?" I thought. "Why is it only I need to feel this much pain?"
"Ask them to do something about it mummy! Ask them! I can't take it anymore!"
the look on her face then had hidden so much despair it seemed to make her look older
"I need to pee! I need to pee!"
"You got a diaper. You can do it right here."
"But I don't want to do it in a diaper!"
"You have to!"
"I don't want to!"
"Stop being so childish!"
"You don't understand. Both of you will never understand. Why don't you do it in a diaper and let them change it for you? You can never understand!"
I did it then. In the silence that ensued, Dad came forward and said he'd change my diaper."
"Dear, could you go out of the curtain? I'd change his diaper."
I hid my face in the pillow, refusing to move. Dad shifted the curtains to cover the bed. There was something in his composure that attacked me deeply and yet gave me comfort. It was there to remind me of my foolishness and was also there to embrace me and to tell me that it was okay to be selfish. But it broke the moment his eyes laid sight upon my pathetic being.
"I am terribly sorry. I am sorry. I cannot understand what you're going through. I am sorry. It was my fault you have to go through all this. I am sorry. I should have given you a healthier body, just like all the other kids. I am so sorry. Sorry... sorry..."
I know I had never seen him cry before and it seemed like he has never ever cried for a long time either. But in that moment before he turned away, I can vouch I saw tears streaming down his face.
He then washed me and changed my diapers. It was then that I decided that I was going to endure what the future had in store for me. Little did I know, I had no future. I lived with a time limit. There was never any possibility I could live a life as an adult. There was never any possibility I could hold up to my promise of marrying her. How foolish I was. How foolish I was...
