Tuesday, April 29, 2008
I've realised, most of the time, life's such a bitch.
Just as you think things are going smoothly, life will ALWAYS turn around and slap you silly.
Maybe though... it might be good.
Anywho, school has been the same old rhetoric cycle it has always, and always have been. With the only motivation that spurs me on being my class and classmates, not forgetting some fun teachers. And PE.
Temperatures in Singapore getting really high these days, yesterday itself was scorching hot and life-draining and today, the temperature was even more intensified. I swear, the world is enroute to death. Slept during most of chinese today, guo lao shi is pretty kind to let me sleep without really scolding hahaha.... Lit test was rather horrible too, kept feeling like sleeping and my brain totally shut off.
On a brighter note, my MI maths test, as expected, got full marks. So up yours :P
Going to have to study for the function and graphing test though haha.... unlike MI, they arent no-brainer topics. Im amazed that most of my classmates have never ever cheated in an exam before.
My hands, they are cold and overwhelmed with loneliness.
Just as you think things are going smoothly, life will ALWAYS turn around and slap you silly.
Maybe though... it might be good.
Anywho, school has been the same old rhetoric cycle it has always, and always have been. With the only motivation that spurs me on being my class and classmates, not forgetting some fun teachers. And PE.
Temperatures in Singapore getting really high these days, yesterday itself was scorching hot and life-draining and today, the temperature was even more intensified. I swear, the world is enroute to death. Slept during most of chinese today, guo lao shi is pretty kind to let me sleep without really scolding hahaha.... Lit test was rather horrible too, kept feeling like sleeping and my brain totally shut off.
On a brighter note, my MI maths test, as expected, got full marks. So up yours :P
Going to have to study for the function and graphing test though haha.... unlike MI, they arent no-brainer topics. Im amazed that most of my classmates have never ever cheated in an exam before.
My hands, they are cold and overwhelmed with loneliness.
what we could have been, 6:03 PM.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
I guess I really need you here by my side tonight afterall.
Because... well... because the tears that have dropped have all washed my doubts and fears away.
Because... well... because the tears that have dropped have all washed my doubts and fears away.
what we could have been, 6:49 PM.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Haha, balls with 3 holes are bowling balls if you were wondering.
School was fairly boring today.... didnt get to slack in the ava cause it was occupied after econs lect... hope its unoccupied tomorrow :S haha.
Class college day proposal is making its way into materialism, doesnt sound exceptionally fabulous but exciting enough.
Went for recreational bowling training today also haha. Took mrt to harbourfront ( like my first time there woot ) and then bussed ( 145 ) to mt faber safra ( yea that remote )
It was rather fun, learnt some new stuff, made new friends, 2 in particular haha.
Well, thats it... im contemplating if i should do my chinese homework.
School was fairly boring today.... didnt get to slack in the ava cause it was occupied after econs lect... hope its unoccupied tomorrow :S haha.
Class college day proposal is making its way into materialism, doesnt sound exceptionally fabulous but exciting enough.
Went for recreational bowling training today also haha. Took mrt to harbourfront ( like my first time there woot ) and then bussed ( 145 ) to mt faber safra ( yea that remote )
It was rather fun, learnt some new stuff, made new friends, 2 in particular haha.
Well, thats it... im contemplating if i should do my chinese homework.
what we could have been, 8:03 PM.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
I breathe in this cold air, and it freezes me.
I wonder what i need.
Where are you?
These words that appear before me letter by letter look upon me like a mirror, but it shows but one, empty entity
I wonder what i need.
Where are you?
These words that appear before me letter by letter look upon me like a mirror, but it shows but one, empty entity
what we could have been, 11:11 PM.
Friday, April 11, 2008
A writing I did in the past XD... Here for archiving
________________________________________________________________
I am.
And I find myself taking the thread again, for what was I but a tailor? I thread the miniscule thread into the similarly minute hole of the needle I hold. I plunge the needle through a fabric, wildly and with vehement passion. I take the conjoined silk dress and offer it, ecstatic and flushed with excitement. Yes… take it! Take it and wear it! YES! Wear it! This is a gift from me to you! Take it! Please?
Tailor I may be, and a good one at that, but I cannot force it upon her. Oh… if I do, the fabric just tears that much more easily. That I realized. And she looks at me with wary but oh so gentle eyes. Oh! I feel the acceptance resounding within my body. Yes… I am a tailor – a ghastly tailor. And I take the threaded needle once again and sink it into the parts where the silk separated. I drive it in and pull it out… over and over and over again. Over so many times that they form a web around the torn pieces.
And then I feel the fabric pulling away, pulling hard. And I am so scared. Scared as the threads that hold them together starts to shake, unravel and break into two. And I am crying, crying because the threads are broken, crying because she is running away from me. And I am pulling at the ball of thread, pulling so that more will come out. I am pulling it and tying it over her so that she cannot run away. But she is struggling. She is struggling and she is breaking the tiny threads again. But I am pulling, and I am tying. Tying so tight that she cannot move! Tying so very tightly that it is almost breaking apart!
But now I am mad. Mad because she keeps trying to run away! She won’t stay STILL! I keep shouting at her to stay still but she does not understand! WHY? So I tie the thread even tighter. I am tying it harder and harder and harder, till it is cutting her skin. Blood is coming out and my thread is even redder than before. Maroon! And I am tying again but there is no more thread… and I am madder and madder because she is just standing there and looking weird. She is not screaming anymore! She is not making that weird disgusting face anymore! She likes me! But I am madder now! Because she likes me but she is not kissing me! And I am screaming. Screaming again and again, screaming… screaming. Screaming so loudly but she is not kissing me.
I am so mad. But she does not move! And there’s that bit of canvas there! I am a tailor; I never really wanted to touch that canvas. But today is special. I am so mad that I am going to put something on that canvas. And I'm taking a brush and mixing it with colors. I am super mad, super mad. And the brush is raping the canvas, hard and swift, crackling into the sheet. And I'm swiping, back and forth, back and forth and my eyes are tiny and my breath is going fast.
And I am crying now; because it is all ugly and I am snapping at it. I am so mad because it is Not Good. But I am taking the canvas again. I am taking it and I am dipping it in paint. This time, I am only dipping it with my favourite color. And ah… it is so beautiful now - so very beautiful and very red.
And I am feeling so much elation… so much euphoria! I ask her to see it and she likes it! I am painting it red even more! To make it even more beautiful! But there is no more paint! No more paint! And I am mad again! Mad because there is no more paint! Then I take her hand and she is giving me paint. She wants to paint as well! I break her thumb, because the thumb is so useless and so different. And I am smashing her thumb against the canvas, smashing it because I want to make it even more beautiful.
And I am taking even more! I am breaking her fingers, her wrist, her toes, her feet and I am painting the canvas! And she likes it! Ah… she likes me. And then I got a crazy idea… YES! Indeed! I shall paint her! And not just paint ON her, but paint USING her! And I take her thumb, her fingers, her toes and her wrist and I am framing them up. I am framing them up and I am putting them on my wall. And I cut her body; I cut them using the saw because they are so hard, like an ice. I cut them so they fit into a frame. I cut them and I hang them on the wall, along with the fingers and toes.
But then I am crying! I run out of the house and I shout, “Someone! Save her!” And I am bleeding, bleeding because I smash the door.
“Save her! Save her! Oh god! Save her! Please!”
But no one is there.
And I am crying out… crying out, “Save my painting! Forget me! Please! Save my painting!”
And I find I am not a tailor anymore. Why did I become a painter? Why did I stop being a tailor? And then I find that I did not want to become a tailor at first. Why did I become a tailor? And then I find that I don’t like her. Why did I want her? Why? Why? And I am crying.
And I am no tailor anymore. I am no painter anymore. No. No.
No.
________________________________________________________________
I am.
And I find myself taking the thread again, for what was I but a tailor? I thread the miniscule thread into the similarly minute hole of the needle I hold. I plunge the needle through a fabric, wildly and with vehement passion. I take the conjoined silk dress and offer it, ecstatic and flushed with excitement. Yes… take it! Take it and wear it! YES! Wear it! This is a gift from me to you! Take it! Please?
Tailor I may be, and a good one at that, but I cannot force it upon her. Oh… if I do, the fabric just tears that much more easily. That I realized. And she looks at me with wary but oh so gentle eyes. Oh! I feel the acceptance resounding within my body. Yes… I am a tailor – a ghastly tailor. And I take the threaded needle once again and sink it into the parts where the silk separated. I drive it in and pull it out… over and over and over again. Over so many times that they form a web around the torn pieces.
And then I feel the fabric pulling away, pulling hard. And I am so scared. Scared as the threads that hold them together starts to shake, unravel and break into two. And I am crying, crying because the threads are broken, crying because she is running away from me. And I am pulling at the ball of thread, pulling so that more will come out. I am pulling it and tying it over her so that she cannot run away. But she is struggling. She is struggling and she is breaking the tiny threads again. But I am pulling, and I am tying. Tying so tight that she cannot move! Tying so very tightly that it is almost breaking apart!
But now I am mad. Mad because she keeps trying to run away! She won’t stay STILL! I keep shouting at her to stay still but she does not understand! WHY? So I tie the thread even tighter. I am tying it harder and harder and harder, till it is cutting her skin. Blood is coming out and my thread is even redder than before. Maroon! And I am tying again but there is no more thread… and I am madder and madder because she is just standing there and looking weird. She is not screaming anymore! She is not making that weird disgusting face anymore! She likes me! But I am madder now! Because she likes me but she is not kissing me! And I am screaming. Screaming again and again, screaming… screaming. Screaming so loudly but she is not kissing me.
I am so mad. But she does not move! And there’s that bit of canvas there! I am a tailor; I never really wanted to touch that canvas. But today is special. I am so mad that I am going to put something on that canvas. And I'm taking a brush and mixing it with colors. I am super mad, super mad. And the brush is raping the canvas, hard and swift, crackling into the sheet. And I'm swiping, back and forth, back and forth and my eyes are tiny and my breath is going fast.
And I am crying now; because it is all ugly and I am snapping at it. I am so mad because it is Not Good. But I am taking the canvas again. I am taking it and I am dipping it in paint. This time, I am only dipping it with my favourite color. And ah… it is so beautiful now - so very beautiful and very red.
And I am feeling so much elation… so much euphoria! I ask her to see it and she likes it! I am painting it red even more! To make it even more beautiful! But there is no more paint! No more paint! And I am mad again! Mad because there is no more paint! Then I take her hand and she is giving me paint. She wants to paint as well! I break her thumb, because the thumb is so useless and so different. And I am smashing her thumb against the canvas, smashing it because I want to make it even more beautiful.
And I am taking even more! I am breaking her fingers, her wrist, her toes, her feet and I am painting the canvas! And she likes it! Ah… she likes me. And then I got a crazy idea… YES! Indeed! I shall paint her! And not just paint ON her, but paint USING her! And I take her thumb, her fingers, her toes and her wrist and I am framing them up. I am framing them up and I am putting them on my wall. And I cut her body; I cut them using the saw because they are so hard, like an ice. I cut them so they fit into a frame. I cut them and I hang them on the wall, along with the fingers and toes.
But then I am crying! I run out of the house and I shout, “Someone! Save her!” And I am bleeding, bleeding because I smash the door.
“Save her! Save her! Oh god! Save her! Please!”
But no one is there.
And I am crying out… crying out, “Save my painting! Forget me! Please! Save my painting!”
And I find I am not a tailor anymore. Why did I become a painter? Why did I stop being a tailor? And then I find that I did not want to become a tailor at first. Why did I become a tailor? And then I find that I don’t like her. Why did I want her? Why? Why? And I am crying.
And I am no tailor anymore. I am no painter anymore. No. No.
No.
what we could have been, 7:54 PM.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Today was not too bad either haha... stood up for 12mins as punishment for being a minute late for chinese lesson o.o I feel like im going to fail chinese.
Went back to nj to watch nj vs sa soccer. soccur. soccr. Well, actually more like to meet nj friends, drink the desert stall auntie's strawberry peach and just hang around there. SA soccer aint too bad! But benjamin anthony raja ( nj's keeper ) was kinda good haha. Game was postponed for 1hr due to heavy rain in which i left. Ahhhh i miss nj. O.o
Well, for this post, and a few more subsequent ones, I'll be posting up some of my old writings for archiving haha.
- Not Today ( Poem ) -
I really want to believe
everything that you had said to me
to her
to us
But maybe
Just maybe
Somehow I just don’t know
What will happen today
Tomorrow?
What about it?
It is just not the same anymore
It is a different day.
I know I am not ready
For the lights to go off
Maybe tomorrow
I might…
Cause I want to believe you
When you tell me that everything will be okay
But not today…
Not today…
Not… when you leave me today.
Went back to nj to watch nj vs sa soccer. soccur. soccr. Well, actually more like to meet nj friends, drink the desert stall auntie's strawberry peach and just hang around there. SA soccer aint too bad! But benjamin anthony raja ( nj's keeper ) was kinda good haha. Game was postponed for 1hr due to heavy rain in which i left. Ahhhh i miss nj. O.o
Well, for this post, and a few more subsequent ones, I'll be posting up some of my old writings for archiving haha.
- Not Today ( Poem ) -
I really want to believe
everything that you had said to me
to her
to us
But maybe
Just maybe
Somehow I just don’t know
What will happen today
Tomorrow?
What about it?
It is just not the same anymore
It is a different day.
I know I am not ready
For the lights to go off
Maybe tomorrow
I might…
Cause I want to believe you
When you tell me that everything will be okay
But not today…
Not today…
Not… when you leave me today.
what we could have been, 7:08 PM.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Church yesterday was not too bad. Chatted more with the sec 1 class hahaha ( cause someone *ahem* was late again )... class is slowly getting into a stable routine which, actually is good ((:
Lectored today. Felt i didnt do a up-to-par job i suppose.... the reading was in a whole continual paragrah that made reading ahead a little harder so i couldnt anticipate reading flunctuations etc. That was a bad part, plus i kept trying to hold myself back and read slower, really messing up my pace.
The easter party after was not too bad either, but was a little anti social and didnt participate. Ahh how? Stuff just keeps flooding and corrupting my mental state. Food was good. Thanks!
Was a little too early to meet with Jeriel so I went to dhobby to waste time. Ended up browsing Daiso for the longest time. Saw a girl holding ice cream and this uncontrollable urge overwhelmed me to get a scoop too. Went to Gelare just a floor below and got me a wild strawberry ice cream scoop. Realised some time after that there is cheaper ice cream at B2.
Met up with Jeriel and headed over to kap. Charlene boarded the bus we were on along the way and didnt notice us and we wanted to stalk her.... didnt in the end haha. The sisters all look kinda blur :S
Started to rain and was drenched by the time we got to kap. Used tissues to dry my umbrella (:
Lauren's house is damn huge.
Cutting short now, cause im too lazy ((:
Lectored today. Felt i didnt do a up-to-par job i suppose.... the reading was in a whole continual paragrah that made reading ahead a little harder so i couldnt anticipate reading flunctuations etc. That was a bad part, plus i kept trying to hold myself back and read slower, really messing up my pace.
The easter party after was not too bad either, but was a little anti social and didnt participate. Ahh how? Stuff just keeps flooding and corrupting my mental state. Food was good. Thanks!
Was a little too early to meet with Jeriel so I went to dhobby to waste time. Ended up browsing Daiso for the longest time. Saw a girl holding ice cream and this uncontrollable urge overwhelmed me to get a scoop too. Went to Gelare just a floor below and got me a wild strawberry ice cream scoop. Realised some time after that there is cheaper ice cream at B2.
Met up with Jeriel and headed over to kap. Charlene boarded the bus we were on along the way and didnt notice us and we wanted to stalk her.... didnt in the end haha. The sisters all look kinda blur :S
Started to rain and was drenched by the time we got to kap. Used tissues to dry my umbrella (:
Lauren's house is damn huge.
Cutting short now, cause im too lazy ((:
what we could have been, 6:29 PM.
