Friday, February 2, 2007
希望の神 （きぼうのかみ）
Light of Hope-
Chapter 1-
A boy sat by a rock over viewing the wheat field that grew boundlessly and stretched across the huge piece of land. He didn’t frequent this spot till a couple of days back when he was just mesmerized by the sight and couldn’t help but sketch the amazing scene that he saw right before his eyes. It was just a single day, and this place started to become his most favourite haunt.
“Ah!” came a loud cry from within the wheat field.
“That’s strange.” The small boy thought. “I didn’t know there were other people that knew of this place. It sounded like the person who screamed is in trouble though, and it sounded like a girl’s voice.”
“Help me! Someone!” the voice sounded again.
“What should I do? I might get lost if I enter as well but if I don’t help, that girl might get lost in there forever! What if no one finds her? What if she just dies of starvation there? What if the police found out that I was here but didn’t help her? What if I go to jail for that? What if…” He said in quick recession, only to be broke by the voice again.
“Is someone there?”
“Err! Err! Yes! I am here!”
“Then hurry up and get me out of here!”
“But… but… but I will get lost in there too!”
“Oh you won’t! Now come and get me out!”
“Oh… okay! Where are you?”
“How the hell would I know? Just follow my voice!”
“Oh… okay, don’t move and keep saying something!”
It took quite some time, but stumbling along the way, the boy managed to locate the direction of the voice and pushing his way through the tall wheat, he finally found the girl, sitting on the floor, hands rubbing her leg profusely.
“Err, what happened to you?”
“I sprained my leg. Could you give me a hand?”
“Oh, okay”
Plucking all ounces of strength from those fragile arms, he lifted the girl. It was a funny sight to anyone, a girl almost a head and a half taller than the boy being supported by the frail and fragile boy that looked like he would just crack there.
“Err, how do we get out?” The boy said, straining his voice as though he had channeled all his energy to those hands of his.
“Just head downwards from here, we’ll reach a river soon. From there the maidens who come wash clothes will get us sooner or later.”
The two walked and walked, but never came to any river the girl had talked about. “That is strange; I remember there was one right around here!
“Uh… are you… you sure?”
“Of course! Do you doubt me?”
“No… it is not that… it is just… can we take a break?”
“Are you trying to say I am fat?”
“No… no… I really… I am really tired.”
“But you are a boy! How can you be tired before I am?”
“But…”
“No buts!”
“But…”
Before he could continue, he found his voice not being able to be projected out anymore, and he fainted all of a sudden.
“Hey! Are you okay?” The girl frantically said, shaking the boy’s body vigorously.
There was, however, no response from the boy whatsoever. She continued to call out to him but time and time again, there was just no response. The girl really freaked out now, like a 3 year old watching a horror movie. She stood up and paced around in a 4 step line, hands covering the sides of her head and mumbling, “what should I do, what should I do” in a chant-like monotonous tone.
“I know!” She said, breaking the didactic atmosphere she had created earlier on.
“I will give him first aid! Just like I see in the movies! But… but I am so young and I am going to give up my first kiss to this boy! I don’t want that!” She said, looking really confused within herself.
“Ah, it is just a kiss, no big deal, I will so get in trouble if his parents find out I left him here dying and not get help.”
She closed her eyes, and slowly, she edged her head towards his and squinting her lips into a really awkward protrusion, she took aim and fired, only to hold back just before their lips made contact.
“I just can’t do it after all! This determines my life-time happiness!”
“Wa… water…water…” the boy said all of a sudden though really soft and almost on the verge of disappearing again.
“You are alive! You want water? Okay! Here, take my bottle, take all of it!” She exclaimed, anxiously ransacking her backpack and taking out a very childish pink water bottle from it.
“I… I can’t…” before the boy could finish his sentence, he was interrupted abruptly but the girl, “Oh of course you can, an indirect kiss is okay, it’s perfectly okay! Drink up Drink up!”
“I…”
“I said it is okay already!”
“I can’t reach it; you are holding it too high up.”
“Oh! Right. Here, I will even feed you.”
The girl knelt down beside him and tilted the bottle towards the guy’s mouth, slowly pouring the water into his mouth.
“Is that enough?”
“Yes, thank you”
“Oh! No problem!”
“Just… just now, did I do anything strange?”
“When you fainted? Oh no. No such thing.”
“Oh okay, that’s good.”
“But now you are indebted to me! You took my first kiss you know!” The boy immediately recoiled backwards in shock, hands desperately grasping the land.”
“You…you… YOU KISSED ME?”
“Well… Yeah! Of course I did! How else did you think you woke up? And why are you so shocked? I should be the one who is shocked, you took advantage of me!”
“But… but I didn’t do anything!”
“Exactly! You should do something about this! What if I get pregnant?”
“People get pregnant from kissing?”
“Well… I don’t know but… but my mum and dad always told me I was made in a magical point after they kissed!”
“I don’t think that is how babies are formed.”
“Well then how are they formed?”
“They… they… I don’t know!”
“Then what I say is right! Oh no! I am going to get pregnant! You! Take responsibility here, you are the guy!”
“I… I… I will! But, what are we supposed to do? We are stuck here and you are pregnant!”
“If only I had brought my cell phone along, then we wouldn’t have to go through all this and I wouldn’t get pregnant.”
“Oh… why didn’t I think of it? I have a cell phone with me now.”
“You… You idiot! Hurry up and take it out!”
“O…okay… here…” before he could finish his sentence, the girl immediately snatched the cell phone from the boy’s hand and put it beside her ear, pushing her silky black hair back with the wind.
“Why isn’t it ringing or anything? Are you sure your phone is working?”
“Err… err… you haven’t dialed in the number.”
“I know that! Don’t belittle me! I was… I was just making sure it was working first.”
“So?”
“No one is picking up.”
“My mum is not at home either, they went to the carnival.”
“Oh! That reminds me! The carnival is today! What rotten luck I have, I was on my way to the carnival and then I got lost in the field and I ran into you… No wonder no one picked up, everyone in the village goes to the carnival and this year, only I am not going!”
“Wait! Keep quiet!”
“What?”
“Keep quiet!”
“Don’t you command me!”
“Can you hear it?”
“Hear what?”
“The sound of beating drums.”
“Oh… Yeah, I think they are probably holding the starting ceremony now, without me.”
“Hurry up! Let’s go!”
“Huh? Go where?”
“If we follow the sound of the drums, we would be able to reach the carnival! Come on! We have to hurry there before they stop or we will be lost without a single clue of direction again!”
“Hey… you are pretty smart aren’t you?”
“Hurry up!”
Pushing their way through the tall wheat, the couple; hands held together by each other’s like an unbreakable chain, bonded for eternity. Their slippers clapped against the earth, ringing sounds of arrival as they ran in unison towards the horizon sun, where the beating of hearts came from.
- Chapter 1 End -
Well, yeah, i've improved on it, i hope, and here it is, improved version 2 of my story, basically
i skip all the boring "meet and greet" sessions of the characters and jump into the part where
they actually do meet, in a different way as well. I tried to somehow deepen the characters here? Trying to give them personalities and yet at the same time, stray from my usual tendency to have too simple characters when i try to do so. Here, i told myself lots of times to complex the characters a little. But because they are still in their really youthful stage, i also tried to keep the "impressionable" stage to them, and not so much a fully developed character so that as the story progresses with the characters, the character development will be more detailed =)
So well, this is basically it, do leave comments in the tag board or more preferably, in the comments function. =) And i dont really care if you say it sucks or anything :P lol... cus it prolly does =). But i would like constructive comments ne ways hahas.
Light of Hope-
Chapter 1-
A boy sat by a rock over viewing the wheat field that grew boundlessly and stretched across the huge piece of land. He didn’t frequent this spot till a couple of days back when he was just mesmerized by the sight and couldn’t help but sketch the amazing scene that he saw right before his eyes. It was just a single day, and this place started to become his most favourite haunt.
“Ah!” came a loud cry from within the wheat field.
“That’s strange.” The small boy thought. “I didn’t know there were other people that knew of this place. It sounded like the person who screamed is in trouble though, and it sounded like a girl’s voice.”
“Help me! Someone!” the voice sounded again.
“What should I do? I might get lost if I enter as well but if I don’t help, that girl might get lost in there forever! What if no one finds her? What if she just dies of starvation there? What if the police found out that I was here but didn’t help her? What if I go to jail for that? What if…” He said in quick recession, only to be broke by the voice again.
“Is someone there?”
“Err! Err! Yes! I am here!”
“Then hurry up and get me out of here!”
“But… but… but I will get lost in there too!”
“Oh you won’t! Now come and get me out!”
“Oh… okay! Where are you?”
“How the hell would I know? Just follow my voice!”
“Oh… okay, don’t move and keep saying something!”
It took quite some time, but stumbling along the way, the boy managed to locate the direction of the voice and pushing his way through the tall wheat, he finally found the girl, sitting on the floor, hands rubbing her leg profusely.
“Err, what happened to you?”
“I sprained my leg. Could you give me a hand?”
“Oh, okay”
Plucking all ounces of strength from those fragile arms, he lifted the girl. It was a funny sight to anyone, a girl almost a head and a half taller than the boy being supported by the frail and fragile boy that looked like he would just crack there.
“Err, how do we get out?” The boy said, straining his voice as though he had channeled all his energy to those hands of his.
“Just head downwards from here, we’ll reach a river soon. From there the maidens who come wash clothes will get us sooner or later.”
The two walked and walked, but never came to any river the girl had talked about. “That is strange; I remember there was one right around here!
“Uh… are you… you sure?”
“Of course! Do you doubt me?”
“No… it is not that… it is just… can we take a break?”
“Are you trying to say I am fat?”
“No… no… I really… I am really tired.”
“But you are a boy! How can you be tired before I am?”
“But…”
“No buts!”
“But…”
Before he could continue, he found his voice not being able to be projected out anymore, and he fainted all of a sudden.
“Hey! Are you okay?” The girl frantically said, shaking the boy’s body vigorously.
There was, however, no response from the boy whatsoever. She continued to call out to him but time and time again, there was just no response. The girl really freaked out now, like a 3 year old watching a horror movie. She stood up and paced around in a 4 step line, hands covering the sides of her head and mumbling, “what should I do, what should I do” in a chant-like monotonous tone.
“I know!” She said, breaking the didactic atmosphere she had created earlier on.
“I will give him first aid! Just like I see in the movies! But… but I am so young and I am going to give up my first kiss to this boy! I don’t want that!” She said, looking really confused within herself.
“Ah, it is just a kiss, no big deal, I will so get in trouble if his parents find out I left him here dying and not get help.”
She closed her eyes, and slowly, she edged her head towards his and squinting her lips into a really awkward protrusion, she took aim and fired, only to hold back just before their lips made contact.
“I just can’t do it after all! This determines my life-time happiness!”
“Wa… water…water…” the boy said all of a sudden though really soft and almost on the verge of disappearing again.
“You are alive! You want water? Okay! Here, take my bottle, take all of it!” She exclaimed, anxiously ransacking her backpack and taking out a very childish pink water bottle from it.
“I… I can’t…” before the boy could finish his sentence, he was interrupted abruptly but the girl, “Oh of course you can, an indirect kiss is okay, it’s perfectly okay! Drink up Drink up!”
“I…”
“I said it is okay already!”
“I can’t reach it; you are holding it too high up.”
“Oh! Right. Here, I will even feed you.”
The girl knelt down beside him and tilted the bottle towards the guy’s mouth, slowly pouring the water into his mouth.
“Is that enough?”
“Yes, thank you”
“Oh! No problem!”
“Just… just now, did I do anything strange?”
“When you fainted? Oh no. No such thing.”
“Oh okay, that’s good.”
“But now you are indebted to me! You took my first kiss you know!” The boy immediately recoiled backwards in shock, hands desperately grasping the land.”
“You…you… YOU KISSED ME?”
“Well… Yeah! Of course I did! How else did you think you woke up? And why are you so shocked? I should be the one who is shocked, you took advantage of me!”
“But… but I didn’t do anything!”
“Exactly! You should do something about this! What if I get pregnant?”
“People get pregnant from kissing?”
“Well… I don’t know but… but my mum and dad always told me I was made in a magical point after they kissed!”
“I don’t think that is how babies are formed.”
“Well then how are they formed?”
“They… they… I don’t know!”
“Then what I say is right! Oh no! I am going to get pregnant! You! Take responsibility here, you are the guy!”
“I… I… I will! But, what are we supposed to do? We are stuck here and you are pregnant!”
“If only I had brought my cell phone along, then we wouldn’t have to go through all this and I wouldn’t get pregnant.”
“Oh… why didn’t I think of it? I have a cell phone with me now.”
“You… You idiot! Hurry up and take it out!”
“O…okay… here…” before he could finish his sentence, the girl immediately snatched the cell phone from the boy’s hand and put it beside her ear, pushing her silky black hair back with the wind.
“Why isn’t it ringing or anything? Are you sure your phone is working?”
“Err… err… you haven’t dialed in the number.”
“I know that! Don’t belittle me! I was… I was just making sure it was working first.”
“So?”
“No one is picking up.”
“My mum is not at home either, they went to the carnival.”
“Oh! That reminds me! The carnival is today! What rotten luck I have, I was on my way to the carnival and then I got lost in the field and I ran into you… No wonder no one picked up, everyone in the village goes to the carnival and this year, only I am not going!”
“Wait! Keep quiet!”
“What?”
“Keep quiet!”
“Don’t you command me!”
“Can you hear it?”
“Hear what?”
“The sound of beating drums.”
“Oh… Yeah, I think they are probably holding the starting ceremony now, without me.”
“Hurry up! Let’s go!”
“Huh? Go where?”
“If we follow the sound of the drums, we would be able to reach the carnival! Come on! We have to hurry there before they stop or we will be lost without a single clue of direction again!”
“Hey… you are pretty smart aren’t you?”
“Hurry up!”
Pushing their way through the tall wheat, the couple; hands held together by each other’s like an unbreakable chain, bonded for eternity. Their slippers clapped against the earth, ringing sounds of arrival as they ran in unison towards the horizon sun, where the beating of hearts came from.
- Chapter 1 End -
Well, yeah, i've improved on it, i hope, and here it is, improved version 2 of my story, basically
i skip all the boring "meet and greet" sessions of the characters and jump into the part where
they actually do meet, in a different way as well. I tried to somehow deepen the characters here? Trying to give them personalities and yet at the same time, stray from my usual tendency to have too simple characters when i try to do so. Here, i told myself lots of times to complex the characters a little. But because they are still in their really youthful stage, i also tried to keep the "impressionable" stage to them, and not so much a fully developed character so that as the story progresses with the characters, the character development will be more detailed =)
So well, this is basically it, do leave comments in the tag board or more preferably, in the comments function. =) And i dont really care if you say it sucks or anything :P lol... cus it prolly does =). But i would like constructive comments ne ways hahas.
Labels: Chapter 1, Light of Hope, Story
what we could have been, 10:24 PM.
